Maybe, for your benefit (and definitly for mine), you could list some of the things you refer to as "mistakes" you made when he came home before. Then, using that list, you could develop an action plan of what you will do differently.
You know you have no real control over your H and what he does, you only have control over you, so what is your plan?
All that anxiety is about fear of what you can't control, so remember the basics: the Serenity Prayer!
