Do the WAS really waver that much? Over the past couple of years at varioius points it seems my ex actually was able to make some efforts to get along, but quickly took a turn right back to the issuesville.
Yes. It IS what they do. It's called the rollercoaster.
Get one of the books, either DB or DR, and read one or more. They will help explain a lot. And, no, I don't get any commission.
I know I the DB method is that we should focus on ourselves, but all the LBSs want to be able to communicate with the WASs. I think I have seen where some have seen things turn around from a really bad situation to better terms within as little as a couple of weeks. Have you seen this at all? How quickly have results been start to show after DBn? Looking for some hope and inspiration.. Tks!
Each sitch is different. Placing a timeline in yours is just setting you up for failure.
In my case, I did not see any glimmers of hope until 3.5 months after the bomb and starting DB'ing.
As for communicating, it is ok but (1) don't initiate it initially and (2) at first, be the one to end the conversation, especially if it's going well.
So it is ok to call to attempt to get visitation and check on daughter?
I think she is dating. It has been about two years now that we have not been together. I have seen others in the interim and think she has as well. I do attempt to not really close the door on her though, which she continually has told me that she has closed it on me. What do they think if you date?
So it is ok to call to attempt to get visitation and check on daughter?
Yes. She's your D.
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I think she is dating. It has been about two years now that we have not been together. I have seen others in the interim and think she has as well. I do attempt to not really close the door on her though, which she continually has told me that she has closed it on me. What do they think if you date?
Who knows what they think. Sometimes, if they think you have moved on, it can draw them back.
I suggest you work more on getting happy with yourself and detaching. If you want to date, do it, but do it for YOU, not b/c you think it will bring her back. Just be happy and be yourself and whatever happens, happens.
So I tried to call and no answer of course. Left a msg and she probably won't even call back. Whew... How frustrating.
This forum is about the only place I think understands how the LBS feels and provides support in a better way. It really is helpful to understand some of what the WAS is doing, thinking and feeling.
Still trying to do the right things..
How you doing GIMA? I was reading some of your posts and it appears you have been through quite a bit as well. Hope things are getting better with you.
So I tried to call and no answer of course. Left a msg and she probably won't even call back. Whew... How frustrating.
This forum is about the only place I think understands how the LBS feels and provides support in a better way. It really is helpful to understand some of what the WAS is doing, thinking and feeling.
Still trying to do the right things..
How you doing GIMA? I was reading some of your posts and it appears you have been through quite a bit as well. Hope things are getting better with you.
I'm doing just fine. Keep being a friend to W, and she seems to be warming up to me. Not "hotting up," just warming up.
Just keep working on you. In the end, no matter what happens, you will be a better person, and you will be happy. Sounds crazy to say that, but despite what is going on with my M, I am happoer than I have ever been.
WOW. So she did not call me back as suspected. I called her at work and attempt to discuss visitation that was placed in the court order for this weekend. She says I did not provide her with enough notice to get her this weekend and she has already made plans.
It is kind of confusing b/c we to make up any time I miss for visitation when I have military training. Seems like quite a few weekends keep popping up and we have to make alternate arrangements for the visitation.
I think she does it on purpose, but it seems she is always attempting to cut the visitation short. For the month of Jul - Aug she wants to give me 3 overnights for the 6 we should have had. I try to work with her.
As we discuss the issue, she continually throws the dagers. Tells me I am not feeding her correctly. Do I do this with my oldest daughter's mom? Tell me I don't have a calendar in front of me when I do (she was trying to say she had her own calendar with dates marked on it). It is just a push and pull conversation. I try to validate her and say "I understand how you could feel that way". "I see your point". "I can see how you would think that". Seems like that calmed her down a little. But she gets so worked up, it is so difficult to talk with her.
I finally say I need to get back to work and maybe we could work this out a little later when we calm down a bit. She just hangs up on me. I gave it a few minutes and tried to come up with smoe type of viable solution to the matter. I tried to call back and when she answered and see it is me, she hangs up. WOW....
How much fun can we have? I have contacted my atty to see if she can facilitate. We were supposed to have court ordered counseling until the counselor deemed it was no longer needed. We went for eight sessions and the counselor advised we still needed to continue. She bascially said she was doing no more and her atty advised she did not have to. My atty was of the mindset that no amount of counseling would help her anyway. Not sure if I agree, but here we are.
Where do I go from here? Any laides out there that might be able to provide some insight? Input from others who may have been here? Tks!!!
Left a msg and she probably won't even call back. Whew... How frustrating.