bunny, just catching up on things... I would like to put my two cents in here if you don't mind.
You and I have been dealing with H's that have some things in common, unfortunatly. However, I have said this before, when I put the boundries down about what I would accept and what I would not accept, my H either had to agree or I was gone.
My H has changed in the sex addiction department. I have been able to check emails, computer histories (he still doesn't understand that I can go back even farther than the google history), cell phone, and now cell phone internet. I have found nothing. I have looked and looked and there is nothing to find. In fact, the small pile of 3-4 dirty mags that were in his draw in the bedroom, have now found there way to the dumpster out side. He did not think I was paying attention when he took them out.
My H is doing better about not making me feel guilty because I won't 'give him any' when he request it. He is doing better at just giving affection instead of giving affection with the idea that it will 'get him more'. Also my H wants to go to C and shows up for every appt. with no fuss about it.
Now, I am still having other issues that I can only hope over time will get resolved but that is all in my sitch.
Anyway, has YOUR H done anything like this?? Has your H made this kind of effort? Is your H even listening to you about how you feel?
I see no changes, no trying, no compromising, no effort, absolutly NOTHING from your H except he's downtrodden and having a pity party.
Girl, listen to your gut on this. Do you think he is interested in changing himself to better the M or just interested in hoping that he can change you to better the M for him?
I understand making that final step, to say 'you know what, I am better than this, I won't live like this, I am done'. And then walk away. I have the same problem every day that the M is like this. I think of all that I may lose, what it will do to the kids, how will I make it on my own, and so on. I understand. It is so very hard to take a leap of faith when you have given up your faith in good things happening to you along time ago. I have not been able to take that leap of faith either. I understand your hesitation and your fear about it. But at least my H has been making changes and that gives me something to hope for.
Sorry this is so long, just wanted you to know that I am right here next to you in the same damn sinking marriage boat.
That was probably more than just two cents, but if you want to, keep the change!!
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
