What to do when H doesn't contact?

[mishka422]

Lost - I'm going to be a little blunt. Please don't take it the wrong way though, it's said with love and concern for you and your kids.

Like Jon said, your H wants to be left alone. He doesn't want to hear about the bills he left behind, he doesn't want to hear about any problems you are having with the kids, he probably is trying to forget you exist. Why? He's stuck inside his own issues and can't man up and be the H and father he signed on to be. He may never do that again. That all depends on if he realizes he needs meds and therapy to be able to handle the responsibilities that most men and women face on a daily basis. He's weak. He has to be weak all by himself.

I do disagree with one thing Jon said though. That letter was emotional blackmail and abusive in that sense.

If I start get bothered or texts I will change my number cause I can't fight anymore.

That is where he crossed the line. Simply stating that he doesn't want her to pass along his number would have been fine. Saying the above was threatening her. He threatened to take himself completely out of her life again if his number somehow got to Lost and she began contacting him. He put his D in the position of chosing between having contact with her father (albeit by phone and letters when she knows he only lives about 15 minutes away - sick!), or being honest and open with her mother who is always there for her, takes care of her completely and is her total support system. That is a sick and twisted thing for a parent to do.

Lost - I totally understand your frustrations about the bills that he walked away from. My H did the same. Left me holding the bag for every bill, every loan, all the same expenses as when he was in the house while I lost 75% of the household income. I'm still paying everything and even though our D has been final nearly a year and required him to pay CS and half of all cc bills and loans I've never seen one penny. He doesn't even pay the CS amount he's supposed to. Granted, he was out of work totally for 4 months and hasn't had a full-time job in over a year, but he doesn't care to be reminded that he owes me money. As far as he's concerned, it doesn't exist.

So, why did I tell you all of that? Because I want you to understand that there is really nothing you can do about any of it even though your H apparently has a great income. Unless you are willing to file papers in court - file for D, file for garnishments, force CS - if you are not willing to do that, then don't bother him about it. It will only make things worse.

Secondly, you got your H to contact your D. Now, don't say another word about it to him or her. His R with her, or lack thereof, is entirely on his shoulders. As long as you are not saying anything about it then your D will never associate his lack of contact with her (assuming he slips back into whatever crevice he's been living in) as being your fault.

If anything I have said has offended you, I apologize. I don't want to sound harsh, but I care very deeply about what is happening with you and your kids.

Take care of you. Take care of them. Be the best Lost you can be! To heck with H. He can twist in the wind until he realizes that he has a problem and gets help. You can't help him.