Look how far you've come, you're a strong woman. You are in control now, not H. I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but there are days when I think what if H comes home? It scares ME, TOO! I am not ready for him to come back either, but I would let him come back.
One day at a time is all I can offer.
Or just slap him around when he gets out of line. You do still have that 2x4 don't you?? I am sooo kidding!
You do still have that 2x4 don't you?? 
I am sooo kidding!
