Hoping WAW will someday see through the fog....

[Greek]

Hey there, friend of GIMA. I'm Coach's WAW. Coach told me I should read your posts and give you my perspective. A couple of questions: Is there a OM? You mentioned it in your first post but I haven't seen anything since. What's up with that?

Next, it sounds like she is calling a lot of shots and you are wringing your hands about it. New rule: she calls shots for herself and you call shots for yourself. No, right now, they will not be compatible. That is b/c she wants out (with as little adversity as possible) and you want to keep your family together (and you seem a little skittish about making her mad while you do that). Do not go along with her plan to break up your family. This will make her very mad at you. So what? A man stands up for what he believes is right, no matter who doesn't like it. Put her on notice that this is the kind of man you are.

Stop flirting with her. Those little text messages are not gaining any ground for you. Stop it. In fact, you only speak when spoken to...and then, only if you are answering a question.

If she has taken legal action, you go out and find a bulldog lawyer who will guard the legal gates for you.

Do not leave the family home. If it is soooooo bad living with you, she'll leave. You stay put, though. Make her own her conviction that living with you is not what she wants.

Shell, she may leave. The thing for you to do is sit up and take notice of what SHE SEES about your M. I left. Here's what Coach did in a nutshell (little bitty nutshell): I filed - he got the meanest, scariest lawyer in the city to counter. He wouldn't leave the house, so I did. He listened to what I told him about how unfulfilling and disconnected our M felt to me - and he got BUSY working on himself - GAL, taking care of himself b/c it is good for him, exploring my laundry list of grievances and validating what he saw as problematic, too. He did not give me one inch. He didn't rescue me. He mostly left me alone unless we had to deal with our children. And when I did see him, he was FAB. Looked great, smelled great, new clothes, smile, in control, not fretting, not flirting - like he could take me or leave me.

He made me stop. And think. And ask myself just one more time. Are you sure this ship is sunk? He showed me enough of his good work that I made my way home. Still glad I did, btw.

Shell, you are going to have to be tough with her. And tough with yourself, too. You won't be able to flirt her back into the fold. This is a tough love moment. And if there is a OM, you will have to get 2x as tough.

Cheers.
Greek