I would not call that a slip-up in any way. I really think one need not take everything in the world of DB to the literally end. Just do what comes naturally while keeping the overall strategy.
I really wonder if in month or so (that 6 month deadline) she is just going to say "hey you made it" and then that will be that!
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
One of the hardest things to do seems to be successfully transitioning out of LRT and detachment when the WAS stops running and starts making small steps toward the R. At this point is seems really hard to judge what is "pursuit" vs. what is appropriate.
We all have this difficulty. The tendency is to either a) restart pursuit (and drive our spouses away again) or b) stay withdrawn and distanced (and keep any reconciliation from occurring).
I think you are doing a good job of holding to the middle. I don't think calling her "Sweetie" is inappropriate pursuit.
At some point you have to take a risk and allow the R to restart.
Last edited by Thinker; 09/21/0902:44 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I agree with the others comments. Calling your W sweetie isn't the end of the world and IF it was a mistake, it's not a big one by any stretch of the imagination.
And I agree completely with what Thinker says. That's the hardest part, how and when to begin pursuing again.
I think I've said this before, let her drive the ship in that regard. Try to slowly, oh so slowly, reel her back in. But if you sense that she's pulling back, stop what you're doing immediately. Give her some more time. Then when she starts giving you signals again, start the pursuit.
I was there many times. I would see what I thought was a signal that W wanted more and I would pursue and then I'd realize I'd either misread the signal or she changed her mind. So I backed off. Heck, sometimes what a WAS wants today will be totally different than what they want tomorrow, or even in a few hours. You just have to be on top of your spidey sense and adjust.
Keep it up. You're making progress.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Thanks guys. "Slip up" was no big deal apparently.
Busy day today. But good. Got home late (see busy day). W and kids had already eaten. Without asking, W made a plate for me. Wow, that was really nice. I thanked her for doing that. "You're welcome."
Talked about my day with W - and spoke about hers. She has been interested in talking with me. Good so far.
She sent me an IM at a point tonight when I had gone to pick up S from football practice. In her IM, she said our cat was exploring and in "her" room. Still sticks in my craw for her to refer to the GUEST room as "her" room. Oh well, no sweat.
Keep plodding along in this marathon, looking for the finish line. Patience. Patience. Patience.
yeah, when I asked my H if we had any dessert tonight, he replied "I don't know = it's your house". That poed me to no end. They dont even know what they are saying. Remember Stronger - "Keep ironing and watching Family Guy".
