WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Thanks for the feedback Wifey.

Of course I like what a dear "evil"mnded friend also suggested to say - "Why don't you ask the guy you cheated on me with" :-)

There were more game playing this morning when she text me asking if the boys were going to be out this morning. I said we were still figuring it out but what was up. She replied that she made some extra strata that she knew I would like. I told her it sounded yummy and asked if she could drop it off as we were playing in the backyard this morning. She said she would if she had a chance.

Never heard back from her. It really doesn't bother me as I'm having a blast with my boys. A few of it friends dropped by to visit the boys and I in the afternoon so it was nice having extra people for baseball and football

Now I'm trying to make chicken and rice for dinner. Tough part is trying to make gravy out of the cream of mushroom soup I'm starting with. I hope it turns out - otherwise we're heading out to Subways! Wish me luck :-)

[Stronger]

Ahh...cream of mushroom is good. My S is allergic to mushrooms so I tend to forget about that soup, which I personally love.

And hey, evil friends are really the best kind.

[confusedinpa]

And hey, evil friends are really the best kind.

Yes they are my dear particularly evil minded friend ;-)

And we managed to avoid Subways! Yeah!

Enjoy your weekend and your great progress!

[sandi2]

One thing is for sure.....she is doing all this flirting for a reason. I was beginning to think if could be for a couple of reasons when "bam", she hit you with needing some money. Did she just get this bill, or has she known about it before she started all this "contacting" stuff she's been doing?

[confusedinpa]

One thing is for sure.....she is doing all this flirting for a reason. I was beginning to think if could be for a couple of reasons when "bam", she hit you with needing some money. Did she just get this bill, or has she known about it before she started all this "contacting" stuff she's been doing?

Sandi,

I definitely hear ya. I'm pretty sure I gave her the bill after party on Sunday - if not, it was the previous Sunday. So it was defintitely before all this stuff. So I am very aware of the coincidence.

It's very similar to how things had seem to get better between us right before I found out. It coincided with the time where the OM stopped responding to her as well as when she asked to borrow money to pay off the loan for all the furniture she bought for her place.

Back then I told her that I felt like I was getting played and used. I feel the same now, so I know the answer will be no as her actions has put her in the position so she will need to deal with it. I know this will re-escalate again. I am really tempted to call her tonite and talk to her about this, but know that unless I tell her that I will give her the money, it will be ugly again.

She hadn't called/asked about the bill since she asked me about the money. I had told her that I would look it over and let her know. When she picks up the boys, I will return the bill back to her. I don't want to start a discussion in front of the boys. If she asks in front of them, I'll just tell her I'll talk to her when I'm driving back to NY.

I know if it gets ugly again, I plan to treat her as a little child and just watch as she throws her temper tantrum. If she get offensive/abusive, I will just remind her that she was the one who cheated on me and filed for divorce so this is a result of her choices.

If she doesn't ask, I may just send an email with a simple one liner in line with what Coach suggested. But I'm open to suggestions on how to proceed if she doesn't ask.

[confusedinpa]

Just some journaling

She didn't call after talking with the boys. Which was fine by me as I've been fighting a bug - guess the last few weeks are catching up to me

My 7 year old had another melt down last nite. He said he was sad about mommy. He said she told him these things happen to a lot of people. I told him it is understandable to be sad but I know we will be fine. I told him I know it's hard to be tough and strong and I will be tough and strong for all of us until he feels he is ready to be strong and tough

When we woke up this morning they climbed into bed with me to snuggle. That's when my 3 year said he was mad that mommy wouldn't key him call me back after we talked. That made me mad as well. I told him I know it's sad and makes him mad but even if he can't call me back, I know he and his brother love me and they know I love them

Then my 7 year old said since the laptop doesn't work at mommy's place that we should leave it at home. I asked him why he just thought of that. He told me that was what mommy asked him. I tried not to show him I was upset but told him I wiki ask mommy to try and get it working. He said be tries to as well but she hasn't. I told him not to worry about it and I will talk to her

So even with this BS, I am deciding to still have a great day with my boys. I've done above and beyond what I needed to do to save this marriage. If she ever looks through the door, she may be surprised with what she finds......

[confusedinpa]

As expected, she asked about the bill as she put her SUV in gear. I just said we will talk about it later.

Coincidentally she called about another bill - this is for an extra curricular activity for my 3 year old. Our verbal agreement had been I would pay for extra curricular. I did that to make sure that financially they would be able to participate. All I asked was for her to take them as required. Fortunately this one is part of his school so they will take him so I know he will get to go

I did give her the check, made out to the school, for that one tonite

I'm going to make it short and to the point tonite

I'll say, with where we are at, I don't feel loaning her money would be appropriate

Then I'll brace for her tantrum or the hang up.....

[antlers]

I'm going to make it short and to the point tonite

I'll say, with where we are at, I don't feel loaning her money would be appropriate

Then I'll brace for her tantrum or the hang up.....

You are doing the right thing here, regardless of what her response is.

[confusedinpa]

She picked up the boys and brought over a few coupons for things that she knew I used. She also brought over a clothes catalog with a coupon from the place I get most of my clothes

She was about 10 minutes early, which iritate me somewhat. I handed her the boys bags and asked her to make sure she got everything.

That's when I came out with my boys and said goodbye and buckled them in.

So that was some more detail before she asked about the other bill

Surprisingly, on my way to NY, she called me

I told her that with what's going on between us I didn't think it would be a good idea to loan her money. She said it wasn't a loan. She just wanted me to pay the bill and she would pay me next month. I said that's a loan. She said ok am thanked me for letting her know as she didn't want anything to stop our 7 year old from going to school

I told her that I was glad she felt that way too about our son's school

There was an awkward silence so I asked if she had time for a question. She said yes

I thanked her for bringin the clothes catalog over as I needed more clothes. So I asked I'd age could refresh my memory if what color shirts I looked good in. She said that with what's going on between us age didn't think that was a good idea. I said I understood and started I say goodbye and hangip when she said she was just kidding. Then she told me and we talked about the different colors and shirt styles

So surprisingly, no tantrum. Probably because she expected it because of what I said before she left the driveway

I tried to throw her off a little by asking her about the shirt colors, even though I really did want to know. Not sure if I did or not but oh well, whatever

[confusedinpa]

It was an extremely quiet day - no text, emails or anything.

Around when I normally talk to the boys she called - she said she had been trying for the last hour to get the netbook working but it wouldn't log on. I asked if it would be possible to get a network cable and just plug it in since it seems to be a problem with her wireless. She said she doesn't want a cable hanging around. Then I offered to pay to have the geek squad come out to fix the problem. She said she would think about it.

Then she got into how she had helped me so much this past year but now I won't help her. I just stopped her and said "Please, things have really changed 6 weeks ago. So, if the roles were reversed and I cheated on you, how would you feel about it. Right now I'm still digesting it all right now and trying to figure out what I am going to do". She said she thought I was just avoiding telling her about things just to make her wait. I told her that with all that is going on, these are not simple things to decide. I hope she can respect that it is hard to decide about these things related to her with all this crap going on.

Before I let her go on anymore, I asked to speak to the boys. After I was done talking with the boys, I just hung up.

I'm just shaking my head with utter disbelief how her WAW mind works.

This is reinforcing my belief that she had been doing "nice" things for me just to butter me up for asking for things.....

Again, I'm back to waiting and figuring out the stuff that's going on in me. I've done all I can to save this marriage. The next move is up to her. At that point, I'll decide what I want to do about us. Right now, I'm focusing on me and the boys.....