Does he often use your computer? Or does he use his own?
Also, I'm not sure this is SO bad, even if he did find your post. Why? This is a DIVORCE BUSTING site, not a dating site! You OBVIOUSLY are making a sincere, aggressive effort to save your marriage, and keep your family in tact. It's not any of our first choices to lose our ability to be able to speak openly through anonymity, HOWEVER, if you're posting honest, heart felt information about your situation, it can't be bad.
Just my opinion.
Remember, YOU are the one actively trying to save your marriage. Nothing shameful in that!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Belive me H is extremely computer savvy, there isn't anything he doesn't know. I haven't left the book out either that is well hidden. I don't know if it is pure chance or what. What a nightmare this has become.
The computer I use is the one H uses as well, it is the only one we use. D has her own that only she uses.
I don't know if it is good or bad, as he was saying tonight that he thinks it is best for me if he goes as he thinks my life has been better with him gone.
Oz... maybe HE was searching for ways to help your situation, especially if he's vocalizing new and different options? Maybe he is trying to gauge your response to his "options."
Think of this, too. IF this computer is shared, AND he found out about this site, wouldn't he erase his history prior to engaging in these R talks?
Was he on specific threads within those forums? Were they ones you have posted to?
I agree w/erasing your signature.
Lastly, if you do have a conversation re: this site, PLEASE tell him there's another wife/mother in the US/MidWest that appreciates all you share and offer in support of me. Sometimes it's just helpful to talk to others NOT involved in your life!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Sounds like he is testing you! My H has been throwing "tests" at me lately too...but little ones - not a big one like that. Maybe what he secretly hopes to hear is something like: "You know I'll always love you and hope a miracle will happen to save our marriage, however I realized that it wouldn't be good for you or me if I sit around depressed all the time. I need to find what makes me happy." Or some such variation that shows you love him and are still open to him coming back into your life....but not with you as a doormat.
Definitely remove anything from your signature that he can work out as being your family. Maybe he has found this site from his own desire to sort it out who knows. I agree the best thing if you thing he has twigged from his questions, say that you need to find yourself again and you dont feel that him being in situ makes any difference although it would be better if he stepped up to the plate re his parental responsibilities so that your ME time was equal to his! Remember the first rule of DB thumb DONT PANIC ((hugs))
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
If your H has found this Oz, it will purely show him how keen you are to put your M back together. He's had more than enough opportunity to let go and leave and he has not taken it ... all this is showing him is that you are getting some support for your feelings and how much you really are struggling with his poor behaviour.
I know that people are very keen to maintain their annonymity on this site and I think that should be the case in many sitch's however, your H has seen the changes in you and responded positively. I'm sure that, even if you stopped coming here, you would continue to do marvellously well. (We want you to stay, of course but would be OVER THE MOON if you didn't need to because things had worked out).
It's a shame we can't PM because we could find another way of supporting one another.
I have often wondered if my H has been here too as he seems to be a much better DB'er than I am (he uses it to reverse the psychology on, I'm sure)!! I guess that we all run the risk of being 'found out' ... this is a public forum, afterall. They can find their way to Db as easily as we did ... even though it was a while for me.
If you are that concerned, change your name and signature - I know that we will find you ... you can come to us anyhow and then we would defo know that it was you.
Are you a bit calmer today? I hope that I have not been too controversial here.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Sometimes it's just helpful to talk to others NOT involved in your life!