Hi Courtney! I found that when I made the real decision to stop checking up on him, I felt so much better. I didnt have to sit with my heart pounding while his myspace page loaded, just to show me something that would make me cry so hard that I would get a headache anymore! My friends would try to give me "updates" and I would tell them that I didnt check his myspace anymore.
The snooping is just torture for you. Its not really doing anything but hurting you. Some people advocate collecting evidence for court, but I think that you really have to be strong for that. I didnt want or need to collect evidence like that. So Im glad that you have made that choice. And really, he knows how you feel, so you dont need to keep telling him, and who knows, maybe by the time this is all said and done, you wont even want him anymore!
I think that you will find that the less contact that you have with him, the more good days you will have. When I didnt talk to him, I could be happy and when he would contact me I would have to spend hours, sometimes days recovering!
Is there anything that you have always wanted to learn or hobbies that you wanted to start? Plant a garden, learn to scuba dive or ride a motorcycle, or go back to school? You could start volunteering or join a sports team. There are all kinds of things that you can do, and lots of them are free, or very inexpensive.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
