Looking For Help

[Sara]

Do you really have a 16 week Post session? We did 6 Post sessions, each with 2 chapters from the Post session book. Even if they only do one chapter per session, that's 12 weeks, not 16.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hello Sara and Sandi,

Sara: You may be correct...I think it may just be 12 sessions. The advice from you ladies appear to be helping. For example, my W is now helping me plan a football weekend for me and my son to visit my alma mater (Ohio State). She called me today to let me know she was playing in a charity golf event this afternoon and that there would be a chance of her being late. The frequency with which she calls me has definitely picked up...I still don't call her all except to return her calls. She also has been talkative again this evening. She nicely added "I hope you enjoy playing golf this weekend." She's taking the kids to visit her folks at their lake-place this weekend and to catch the Gator football game (a game that she invited me to attend by the way). It may just be my imagination, but it appears that she may already be working towards saving this marriage...in her own little way. She's starting to ask questions about me instead of having conversations just about the kids. I'm not going to get excited about this, but this does appear to me as positive steps like the DR book talks about.

Sandi: You may be correct with your feelings about my W's motivation. Even if you are correct, maybe the Retro experience will change her mind about the after-sessions. This is my last resort, so the fact my W is willing to attend this program is good enough for me at this time. I'll take my chances once I'm there...I have heard nothing but success stories coming out of this program with Orich being the most recent success story. If, for any reason, the Retro experience doesn't work us, I will be filing for divorce myself...period. I just hope and pray that this won't be necessary, but I'm prepared either way.

I also want to add that my W's SUV was broken into over the weekend with her purse being stolen. I had the kids with me in Ohio...so I wonder if this event freaked her out b/c she was all alone when this happened.

From your perspectives, what do you ladies think about with what's been happening in my situation over the last 1-5 days? I wonder if I'm starting to build up positive momentum leading up to Retrovaille. I have been focusing on being "lovingly detached over the last 2.5 weeks...I wonder if this is helping my cause as well.

Thanks,
LFH

[sandi2]

I think you almost have to have positive mementum about the retreat if you believe in it at all. Also, the loving detachment is very powerful and I think it may be working in your stitch. Hopefully, she is beginning to see more clearly what she could stand to lose, therefore, the retreat will stand a better chance of reaching her heart.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hi Sandi,

I just returned from playing in a charity golf event (for my son's school) and getting ready to go out for the evening with the guys.

Just to catch you up, My W was a bit sour yesterday evening...precipitated by two things I believe. First, my FIL invited me to play golf with him in a few weekends. Second, a soccer mom took a liking to me yesterday evening at our match as my W watched from afar. This was a very pretty single mom...I think this may have hit my W's jealousy button. Who knows...I enjoyed myself yesterday evening with my kids and that's all I can control.

This sourness continued into this morning as she left for the weekend with the kids. She was very short...I just went with the flow. I'm not sure how to read her moodiness. What's your thoughts? Just 27 days till Retrovaille.

Talk to you later,
LFH

[sandi2]

Jealousy is much better than her not caring if a pretty woman flirted with you! She shouldn't take her mood out on you, but that is the way some people do when they have their jealousy button pushed. Also, she may be a bit angry at herself for discovering that she "cared" that another woman flirted with you!

I love it!

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey Sandi, GIMA, and Sara.

I had a great time with the guys last night followed by golf this morning. I think I do a great job GALing in keeping myself occupied when my W is gone.

My W and kids returned home today around 4:00 and her mood hasn't changed since Saturday morning. Coldness and distance is the soup du jour this evening. The ups and downs are really starting to wear me out. I detach quite nicely when my W is away, but it's terribly difficult when she's home. My W does a very good "ice princess" impersonation. Are these mood swings by the WAS normal? What's causing them?

She did reaffirm our Retrovaille appointment again as we were discussing our October schedule. She's also planning a "girls weekend" in Atlanta to visit some of her old girlfriends.

I now have only 26 days to Retro, but this limboland is really starting to wear me down. Currently, I don't see my W being responsive to Retro, but I guess time will only tell. I'm tired right now and my hope of saving this marriage is starting to run on empty. A good night's sleep is in order.

-LFH

[sandi2]

My W does a very good "ice princess" impersonation. Are these mood swings by the WAS normal? What's causing them?

Stop and think about it......she is a WAW. Even though she has agreed to stay until the retreat....that is all she's done, right? So, in her heart, she feels no different (apparently) toward you or else she's still ticked over the jealousy. I don't know why she would still be acting that way for this long over the women flirting....I can't believe that's it unless she's always been like this. Don't let her moods rule you. That is so easy to say but hard to do. I have to endure a situation like that on my job and I know what you mean by letting it drain you of energy. You try so hard not to let it effect you, but it is "there" none the less.

[Looking_For_Help]

Thanks Sandi...you are correct. I just need to be patient and tolerant of my W at this point and simply wait it out till Retrouvaille. I would estimate that I do this quite well 90% of the time, but it's that 10% that really hurts and gets to me.

Thanks,
LFH

[ginab1966]

GIMA:

I just got back from Retro yesterday(will post on my thread later all about it) but many people, especailly those in crisis, traveled for the weekend and then made arrangements to do post sessions locally. Just wanted to give you that little bit of feedback.

They really do everything they can to be accommodating and make it easier for couples to continue. The post sessions really seem to be key.

Good luck and may God bless you and yours.

Gina B

[sandi2]

LFH, I think you are doing a fantastic job. I can't imagine having to put up with a WAW while waiting for the retreat to get here! I have heard great things about it, so I think your wait will be well worth it.