I am scared that I messed up...

[istillluvmywife]

Thanks for all your advise guys, I really appreciate it.

Just to catch up on what has been going on, three nights ago my W started to talk about R and M. It has been almost 2 weeks since we talked about it other then with the MC over a week ago. As I had to leave to go to a meeting in 15 minutes, I told her that if she really wanted to talk we could when I got home.

When I returned from the meeting she still wanted to talk so I started by letting her know that I understand how I hurt her and have been working on myself to become a better man. I also let her know about some things that I felt over the years and how she too had hurt me and explained how it felt and how I dealt with it by withdrawing.

She seemed to understand some of it but still lay a lot of blame on me for this mess.

We talked for a few hours and we opened many doors that had been closed. We both cried then decided to go to bed as we were both exhausted.

For the last 2 days she has been very friendly with me, no touching or anything, but I know this may take some time.

I have been reading many threads and noticed that the focus needs be on detaching. At first I didn't know if I could do it but I started to look at my life and started thinking about what my life would be like without her and realized that I will still live, I will still have my son. So I have detached, during our discussion 3 nights ago I hold told her that I am working on improving myself so that "my next relationship" is much superior to our current relationship. She looked at me puzzled so I explained that I would like my next relationship to be with her but I cannot make that decision for her and that should she decide not to move forward with me then I would find someone else that would enjoy being with the new me. I told her I had no desire to go back to our R and M the way it was and that my next R and M would be much different.

I am confident that I will be happy no matter what happens between us.