Felt good during workout, and found myself pondering thoughts about if I needed to be single to fix the issues that I have for myself, self doubt, worthiness, etc, and actually feeling like that may be a good idea.
GIMA, I certainly am not waiting until I am single, I have been working on me for months now, but I also know I am still watching my W, wondering what she is doing, etc.
I think my though process was more along the line of, maybe being single would be better, or faster, or I would be more in tune so to speak with myself to focus on what I need to really need to work on..
These are out there thoughts, but not unpleasant, for me given where I am at, so why I wanted to note them.
I am actually thinking they are me doing better at detaching, focusing on me and my needs and issues..
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Just posting some thoughts, I have been so busy this week, I have only seen W about 10 mins, so not much new on the home front.
This AM, I made breakfast for d8, and cooked for myself, and asked W is she wanted some too, and she did, so I made her some of what I was having. It seems tough on her to even thank me for things like that, so I don't look for it, but as an example, she forced a 'thanks for breakfast' as she was walking up the stairs to take a shower. I sincerely replied with a your welcome and let her do her thing.
I have not been commenting on her appearance, or anything of a personal nature, but this AM she looked stellar in a new pair of pants. As she prepared to leave to go do something, I honestly just told her she looked great in those new pants, and the she has done an amazing job on herself.. It was truly from my heart, she really does look well, but I made sure to not put any innuendo or sexual connotations to the comment. I will continue not to make comments on her appearance on a regular basis, but feel that it is ok occasionally.
She had really humble thank you after, and said she was going out, so I said, 'ok, have a good time', and her response was 'I am just going to the chiropractor.' but not in an angry way, just explanatory. I made sure to let her know, that Ok, but I wasn't pushing to know what she was doing..
It's a small interaction, but generally positive, so I'll take that for me, even if it's the only positive interaction we have all weekend, its still good.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
I am getting tired of 'Wife' ignoring me in public..
Had to take D8 to pickup an art project at store, and ran into W at the shopping plaza, she says hi to d8 and again doesn't even acknowledge that I am there before turning to take off..
What the frig is that anyways??? She treats strangers with more curtousy and its really ticking me off...
I know I can't show or say that it bothers me, so just venting here. Anyone else see this behavior from there WAW?
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Well, this AM as usual, she is all dolled up and headed out the door to hang out at the local coffee shop by herself.
And I found out she is making plans for this years holidays without us, as her kids will be with 'their fathers' so she is planning on traveling for the holidays.
Tell me again why I want to be with this woman? I am just disgusted with her at this point...
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Constantly. One minute nice next minute I don't exist. I am in the same house. So good night with me sitting with the kids and completely blows me off and walks away. D noticed and said why doesn't my say good night to you? I said she said it already. I just say Goodnight to her through her door and she says it back.
I have gotten acustomed to the insanity. It still bohers me but I don't let is show. Good luck.
Sounds like you are still letting her actions set your mood. Detach and this won't matter.
Probably more so than I'd like to believe at times.
Quote:
She's the mother of your child.
Right now, that's the only thing that's kept me in this so long. If not for my d8, we would have gone our separate ways months ago. I don't like a lot of what my W has become currently.
On to today's events, just turned in all the financial doc's to the mediator who is going to call me today after reviewing them.
I have group C tonight, and after today's meeting with mediator, I am probably going to need it....
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
I am still going to 'fake it until I make' one way or the other when I am around my W. Even though I have bad days when I think about the finances, I WILL NOT show it to her. I came home last night, and was humming music to myself to keep a smile on my face, and W was watching TV. I had to do some work from home last night, so was racing around trying to get ready to login to work, and W asked me a question about something that was on TV. I wasn't watching, so had to tell her that, but she was upbeat when she asked.
This AM after short sleep due to working late, I am working from home today, so I got to see d8 off to school, which is good, and W was again upbeat and cordial, talking about her day yesterday, and d8's so I remained upbeat with her as well, and wished them both a nice day at school/work.
W has second day of co-parenting class tonight, could be why she is upbeat, getting this thing moving, but who cares, I can't mind read, just her starting the interactions with me this AM is small positive, so got to keep that in mind..
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
