Ok so today is my last day here. Not sure what direction I am going to take when I get home. Unfortunately my buddy is having family problems. I guess two of his son’s (18 & 21) have drug problems. They are taking something called Moxy (sp) both are not working and both are sleeping on his couch. They had a big fight when I was staying at the hotel and he threw them out that night but they are back now. Since I have been at his house I have seen him give them money whenever they have asked for it. They say it’s for gas or cigarettes but they have been going though allot of money at least 20 a day. The other problem is my buddy also has a drinking problem. Whenever he has had a little too much to drink he says what is on his mind. AND just like when we were in high school he has a short fuse. I can’t tell you how many fights he got us into when we were in high school. Kind of weird thing is we used to always get into fights with the coast guard boys that came into town. THE OM was stationed at the Local CG station at that time and who knows I may have already kicked his azz awhile back….. So I am hoping that he can keep it together until after I leave. They are planning a Family intervention on Sunday after I leave. It has been hard on me because I want to help him and give him someone to vent to but when he starts drinking he stops making sense and there is really no use taking to him because he forgets what we are taking about and starts repeating things again. As for me I am ready to go home. I miss my son. I am not sure what road I am going to take with wife when I get back. One scenario I have going is to give her a big hug and a real kiss. None of this pecking stuff and tell her I missed her but I do not what to go back to the way we were. Tell her right off that I am still willing to try if she gives it her all. No half hearted stuff. The other scenario is to just say Hey I am tired of living like this and am ready to call it quits. I have run out of ideas to try to save our marriage. Unless YOU have some ideas lets start planning out separation. THIS is where I am today. I am praying I do not go back to settling for what I have. I may call wife tomorrow when I stay over in Oregon. Not sure if I want to say anything at that time or just somehow give her a heads up that I have found the direction I want to go and I hope she has done some soul searching while I was gone. That would be it about relationship wise I would say. I figure that if she has not thought about us while I was gone. Or maybe thinking that the doc went on vacation and things will be the same when he gets back. If that is what she was thinking at least Sunday night before I get back she will be thinking about our situation. One thing I know and still do not heed. WE chose to live the way we are. WE chose how we want to be treated. The one thing I did notice is that I did miss the closeness all of the married couples I have come into contact with up here have. I came up her with getting even and maybe finding some closeness from someone and am leaving a married man. My buddy and his friends have a big BBQ party for me last night. It was funny how the 23 inch fish I caught somehow grew to almost 5 feet before the night was over… later Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
