Hope, Yes. Give up. Let go. Move forward. Don't give up for your marriage. But there's nothing wrong with letting him know you CAN live without him. It sounds to me like you need to tell him "You're right. Friday, if you don't want to come over for dinner don't." If your interactions on Friday nights are so crappy, why do you want to do it? For the record, you're stressed too. You can't keep juggling everyone's feelings. You have to work on yours first. When you're stable, being stable isn't so hard...get it?
Just calm down. This is a long hard process.
When something isn't working, stop it. Try something new.
Friday night dinners are not working. So stop it.
It's true. I just feel like I'm giving in to H's tantrum. But if H doesn't want to be here, asking him to is only going to be more stress for me. And feeling like I can live without him is good for me - no matter how H takes it.
I'm calmer today but I still feel like giving up. Hard to see how giving up on trying to get along with H is not to not giving up on the marriag. Guess it's more like giving up on trying unless H is ready to try harder to get along with me. H has to take care of his own feelings of anger and resentment. It is hard to take care of everyone else's feelings. But I feel like dropping the ball on caring for H's feelings is giving up on listening and validating, giving up on spending positive time together, and therefor giving up on M altogether. Maybe this is just detachment. I don't know. The long haul isn't looking so good right now.
