Hope, there are a whole bunch of reasons why what you're doing now will pay huge dividends long-term and near-term. I can remember times being so stressed out with one of my toddlers having fits and tantrums. More and more stress builds as I try to control and console. I'm truly worried and I think I must do something. It keeps getting worse and my stress feeds hers.
The challenge is you can't control their thoughts or make them see things. You can only set the stage and control the boundaries to insure safety.
That's what i did this morning. It really helped to think of him like a toddler having a tantrum - like you and Stronger have said.
H came to pick up S4 to take him flying. When he started in about why isn't this ready and that ready to go - I just walked away. I wasn't going to stick around for the tantrum.
Same deal when he drops him off later. I'm going to be in the other room and just take S somewhere by myself and not talk about "plans" wih H. Not going to give him an excuse to have more tantrums with me.
