Im still a bit like a stunned Rabbit today By mid afternoon I was absolutely wibbling so called my best mate and said can I come over for coffee I need moral support and cat cuddles! I managed to drive the twenty minutes and kept focusing on my thought "youre playing the long game" with a back up of please god let there being nothing nasty and if so give me the courage to DB my way through it.
Well H had only been home barely half an hour and I got a txt saying "Im home when do you think your gonna be back" It got ignored and about an hour later than him I rolled up on the drive, sat fiddling in my handbag, got my phone out and proceeded through the door nattering to the invisible man about my dinner arrangements tonight! We sat an talked about next door neighbours new cars, and what was going on around us, and he told me how our darling cat had ran hell for leather to see her daddy and how she didnt argue when he picked her up and cuddled her and how she seemed quite genuinely pleased to see him..
So after a few minutes I got up and started pottering around the house and he followed me around, asking whose name on the calendar was and when my S phoned he asked what I was doing and after I put the phone day I said "whats with the men in my life dont ask a thing for ages then want to know everything in one go" Finally H pointed out that the fridge was empty, so I said well I had lunch and Im out tomorrow and I didnt know what you wanted, so H said looks like we need to eat out, my reply was are you going on your own or was that an invite. Well apparently it was, we played verbal footsie for ages waiting for the table, and when he mention several things that normally would have caused panic in me, well water of a ducks back wasnt the word for it.. The compliments kept coming thick and fast and I made sure several were returned, even told him that the time away had been a blessing, I had found new friends and found treasures in friends I had never anticipated..
R talk was never entered into except at one point when I said I thought it was sad that we had got on two different buses and H looked a me as if to say are you going to get on my bus, I replied maybe we just have to get on a completely different bus and share a seat.. Well I cant really go into further details but it was a pleasant evening and no pullback in the morning in fact the complete opposite. But no mention of the ILY words from either of us and all contact apart from brief brushing of arms all had to come from him.
Well he has gone, no pursuing from me at all, Im not sure it was right but he now really knows what he is throwing away, in passing he said he'd be up in the week, but I said dont you mean the weekend as Im not going till early sat morning, H's reply maybe friday again. Also a mention of would I like him to phone during the week, again he was told it would be nice but with a wicked smile on my face I said I wouldnt hold my breath. But reminded him if the event finished late there was always the spare bed.
He has gone and Im not dead, I survived and again we will take the next week as it comes! This is no means over and done with, its still a very long road ahead, but I have prooved to myself that I can stick to my guns and persevere after all he is very important to me and I dont take vows lightly.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
By mid afternoon I was absolutely wibbling so called my best mate and said can I come over for coffee I need moral support and cat cuddles! I managed to drive the twenty minutes and kept focusing on my thought "youre playing the long game" with a back up of please god let there being nothing nasty and if so give me the courage to DB my way through it. 
