Hey Fall, I will tell u as well that there is waaaaay less tension in my house in the almost year since I sep. from my h. The kids have done incredibly well, despite his antics. It did relieve a lot of tension and stress. We can actually stay at home and have "family" time and relax and be happy. I know the panic... been there done that... the what am I doing to my kids... the this is never how I wanted it to be....
Everybody CAN come out okay on the other side. Not always an easy trip, but they can. Just wanted to chime in on that.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Well, we separated last December. Our divorce should have been final a couple of months ago, but he's dragging. Anyway, he has since turned crazy and it's really bad and I cannot even so much as be friends with him. I posted some bad sh*t just now. The first few months we were sep. I thought there was a chance, but he wasn't interested. Then he just turned crazy and decided he "wanted me back" and I said no deal. So now he's even crazier. Not a typical situation. I'm thinking he's got to be crazier than most, so I'm sure it's much different than yours would be.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Crazy is a spectrum. And we`re all on some part of that spectrum.
Best thing I did for me was look at my own piece of crazy. The affect my jumping has on everyone around me. My need to react to the small stuff.
And how I learned all that crazy stuff in the first place.
Best thing I`m doing now is finding my well of calm. Just for me! Dipping into that every day and taking it with me.
Yup, I still can spin.
But I`m aware that I`m spinning and that awareness helps me stop.
H never used this time to look at himself. He doesn`t get that he has a whole big bunch of craziness too. In his eyes everything is still my fault.
I`m ok with that. His spinning only makes him dizzy now. I cant help him stop.
But he has seen my changes. He curious. And, by his own admission, jealous.
My stopping spinning has calmed his spin a little bit -at least to the point that he won`t threaten to hit me anymore. But he has needed me to spin to keep his dance going and now his spin is fueled with the anger/jealousy he has for me getting on with my life.
Get out of the push/pull with these guys.They`ll drive you further up the crazy spectrum. Own your bit of craziness and heal it.
That`s just one of the gifts this Crazy Dance of the Whirling Dervishes can help you achieve.
So should I go to mediation as he wants even though I don`t want us to separate-feel at the very least we should work on us before letting marriage go. But don`t want to force him to stay either?
H stayed away all evening. Home briefly for something to eat though I was gone with the younger two at the time.
No improvement. No huge tension either.
He is sick-has a form of arthritis that has just flared up now. I did ask if there was something i could get him knowing he was in pain. But no.
He doesn`t look well.
But I know that`s not my problem.
I`m GALing away. Happy enough most of the time actually. Can see lots of blessings in all of this.
I think he still feels the need to control things so mediation is important to him. Dropping the tension and relaxing things is the first goal? Having a say the second?
