UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Thanks Oz - we didn't go for coffee after as it was persisting down with rain! Went back to J's instead and had a cup of tea and a slice of cake. Then went to do some shopping alone as J said that she may come for lunch tomorrow - and I haven't a thing in the house (fresh stuff). I needed to shop so it pushed me to do so.

You know the me, me, me thing even extends past what they want and they then start to get in to blame, blame blame mode. H went in to the garage on Thursday night and, seeing that I had spilled the tiniest drop of garden fluids on the floor he came back in and said "oh, and you have stained the garage floor really badly, too" ... for all he knows, it may well wash off! He hadn't even considered that it may not have been me who had done that (although it was!) but let's not worry about the oil that he tipped a while back and cause a patch twice the size.

Reading other people's threads help to work out what I did wrong and constantly reminding myself of what I should be doing, helped too.

Embarrassing situation at the library this morning when I checked out some new books. The woman shouted out across the desk "you have an overdue book - it's called DB" .... I explained that it was to be rechecked out and that I had it there for her to scan. It was like she was getting some intense pleasure from saying the DB words over and over, loud enough for people in the next state to hear. I wanted to smash her with the book and say, "yeah, and you never know when it will come visiting you so I would shut up right now if you know what's good for you". I guess that's just how touchy I am about the whole subject.

Ah well. That's another day almost over, though I hate seeing my life passing before me in this perspective. I should be enjoying myself but it's too difficult living here in this isolation. What's to become of me, I just don't know.

Hope that the rest of you are all doing OK today.