So RSF- How was IC? What do you think of the substantive issues addressed here on your thread? We can't be "suckers" indefinitely.
LOL...IC went really well. I have the most awesome guy. He sees right through my personal analytic s, excuses, rationalization, etc. and calls me on it. There seems to be two things going on at lleast that was the conclusion after today...its really not the DBing techniques. IC and I discussed today and zeroed in on the combination of ego/jealousy/control and the fact that my PA was ended not because we didn't care about each other but because it was wrong. Perhaps a subconscious feeling about going back to that relationship if W and I are really really finished forever is making it hard for me to make a long-term commitment to the uncertain situation in front of me. I'm not sure if that makes sense because I'm not sure I understand it fully myself. Make any sense?
Sort of. I just don't understand your fixation with making a long term commitment to an uncertain situation. That doesn't really make sense (at least semantically). Read what we are saying in so many different ways here. Even the "About Last NIght" movie reference...it isn't over often even when you commit to it being over. That is part of your very natural and understandable urge to control. But, why not deal with what you have in front of you? You're not about to go marry the OW are you? Go slow, deal with one thing at a time. Is any of this resonating with you? What stands out to you? What can you do about it?
when I was 3 or 4 my mom took me to a softball game where the man she was having an affair was playing. She told me I couldn't tell my dad. I remember it vividly. My parents ended up divorcing and I swore I would never do anything like that, ever. I am known for making decisions and sticking to them. W says that's why she was so dumbfounded when I left and why we knew she should give up when I said I was finished. When I make up my mind, its made up. My family and kids are very important to me. I know that they will be OK regardless but I also know they will suffer immensely from a broken family. There's no way around it. Does that give you some ideas?
I feel like you haven't really paid attention to my sitch, so let me recap. The idea of divorce made me want to kill myself. Having my kids go through what I went through was unacceptable to me. The idea that H and I could separate and come back together after all the damage done was unfathomable. I have changed. Try to stop talking about how you are...and when you're done you're done, that has already been disproved. This is a new life, a new you, new territory. Let go. It is your biggest challenge. There is so much peace in surrendering and abandoning the notion that you know and are in control of the outcome here. That is my best advice. Move on, move forward. You have so much to deal with that involves your W. You are no where near done, this is the beginning in many ways. You're getting good advice here. Stop letting the voices in your head drowned out the possibilities.
