Oh my, I hope H doesn't interpret my "my problem" as meaning I'm alright with things. That is usually my way of saying do whatever you want. I know what I'm about. Not to mean that it's ok with me.
Believe me throughout this whole separation I have not asked H to come back home at all. My reason for even initiating this whole talk was b/c of him acting like I kicked him out and took his key and he wanna come home. I felt like let's just cut the b/s and get down to business, or no more of that anymore. I stepped out on faith per se and put things out on the table. He does act like he wants to come home and I keep talking about come home when you do xyz so I felt like lets just do this instead of the cat and mouse game. At least that was my thought. Good or bad.
And yes, yes, yes. I do think ow is being stringed along as well. But to be honest she's getting more of the financial benefits right now.
Sometimes when I think about this whole sitch and and DB and constantly having to second guess my actions and my words it all feels so overwhelming. I just want to be done already and not have to think about what I say and do and was that right or wrong etc. Way too much stress added on top of all the stress this sitch brings.
In Newcomers. Check out Tristan's thread, and where you see Robx posting, for instance, you can click on his name and then "View Posts" to see other posts of his.
Thanks, Pup. Btw, I was so happy to hear how well you're doing and to hear that you're comfortable with the separation. Yea, I guess sometimes its good to step back and let thinks work themselves out.
Can I just say today I feel so stressed and depressed with this whole sitch and DB thing. I just want it all to be over with already. Feeling very sad. And feeling even more sad that when I make attempts to just say enough is enough that I'm still not doing the right thing. I feel like I just can't stand this anymore and can't stand second guessing everything I do and say. Sometimes don't you just feeling like just "being". Without all the rules and inhibitions. It's really getting to me lately. I'm tired of DB'ing, tired of H's bs, tired of feeling lonely living all alone, just tired....
Hey, if it were easy, EVERYONE would do it, right???
Vicky, look: you're doing more right than "wrong" these days, and "wrong" is subject to interpretation anyway. I don't have as much time as i used to to spend on here, so I tend to pull out things that I think need correcting, and you shouldn't let it discourage you.
I think if you compare your recent interactions with your husband with those of a few months ago, that HE would think you've changed, and that's what counts! I just think you could make even more progress if you played the "Robx" WAS angle, that's all.
THANKS Pup. Its so funny that we get such encouragement from people we don't know. And believe me, hearing from you that I'm doing more right was good to hear. Your post actually made me feel better.
And that is one of my favorite quotes: If success was easy everyone would do it. A little encouragement goes a long way.
Will look up Tristan's thread b/s my H is totally stringing me along. I know it and in my heart I want a change.
vicky, i dont know how far to go in your sitch, cant remember when i last checked. from what i see, its basically the same? he wants back but isnt really doing the changing, keeping u hanging still in limbo right?
from what puppy is writing, recommending gucci, looks like its time to get tough. time to start showing u are truly moving on again. remember, when u did that, it brought him back and u didnt even know that u wanted him anymore.
its so easy for me to say, but im so much better now that im not still in this fight.
i hope i can give u hope that if im ok, u will be ok, no matter what happens.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
doodles, it's so good to hear from you. Yes, I remember that time clearly when I had a glimse of what it's like to not give a crap and to be so unsure if I even wanted H. It was so liberating, I know. And so much more stressfree. YEAP, I was thinking that and remembering what brought H back when he was totally begging to save his M. I can say he has changed back but I know now that I was the one that changed back. So, I want to work on detaching again. H is still trying to keep me in limbo saying he is "coming home" and he needs time. I realized that I have to shake up his world plans again like before to cut this "time" short.
Pup, I read tristan's thread and robx's advice. He advises dating and getting a life and seeing other people and just gaining self esteem. I've been thinking I need to date some more. Since my sep, I've had 2 dates. One was the guy I was really into, but he wasn't into me.
So, it's back to work. I think I've let my guard down a lot lately with H since we've been spending a lot more time together. But with that, I've reverted back into the purser role and I need to check myself. The good thing about DB is we at least now have that awareness. So to help myself out, I've decided to create a game. "The Game of Love", where I am tracking my interaction with H and who pursues who (ie, who calls who, who hangs up first, who text who, times when I show that I will not be disrespected etc.). I know this sounds juvenile, but it is only juvenile to the one who is being pursued. I, the pursuer, feel depleted. So my theory is that in a perfect R, the pursuit is 50/50, but I know in reality no R is 50/50 so at least 40/60 is good enough. So like tracking my points on weight watchers, I want to track my points with H. Right now, I went back to our last argument when I got the key back and from 9/9 to date, I'm losing at 30:11. That totally meants that I'm putting in three times the effort in this R than H. What an eye opener.
So today, since my game adn I was down at 8, I was truly tempted at one point to call H and then I realizaed, heck no. I don't want to give him yet another point. So I didn't. And then later this afternoon he called 2x, but I didn't answer. Then he text that I'm not answering him, so forget it. Didn't call him back I know it was about nothing. But I earned 3 points, Yippeee!!! (I totally know this game may sound silly to some but it sure is helping me to monitoring my behavior).
I was thinking that H does a lot of DB stuff without being taught DBing, but then I realized he's had more dating experience than me so of course he is winning and is better than me. But I have you guys and I may be now learning these things but I know I'm a quick learner.
So tonight, I'm going out to a dance club. Will get dressed up, look sexy, and hopefully have a good time.
Will keep you guys posted and thanks for everything.
Got your message and figured I would stop in and say hi. Robx has been a great help to me. And he is an entertaining read. I will read through your posts when I get a chance. Too late tonight.
