Gotta Keep Trying 2

[Coach]

So, why the new found interest in college football?

Maybe she read "His Needs, Her Needs" or "5LLs." Maybe she has seen you model loving behavior. Maybe it's her way of trying to make up without talking about it. Who knows. But what we know is that it is goodness.
You want more of it? Acknowledge it to her. Let her know you appreciate it. Notice her. Reinforce and validate her loving behavior towards you. Instead of first thinking (WTF, who is this?) think wow, you are a special woman.

I predict you will have some cake soon.


Cheers

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey GIMA,

Something must be in the water b/c my W has been acting positively towards me of late.

Regards,
LFH

[givingitmyall]

Thanks Coach.

Pretty long day today. Lots of client emergencies.

I will turn on the mojo this weekend. See what happens.

[givingitmyall]

LFH,

Glad to hear that. Keep it up and be cool.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey GIMA,

Yes, but it was short-lived. My W was a bit sour this evening...precipitated by two things I believe. First, my FIL invited me to play golf with him in a few weekends. Second, a soccer mom took a liking to me this evening at our match as my W watched from afar. This was a very pretty single mom...I think this may have hit my W's jealousy button. Who knows...I enjoyed myself this evening with my kids and that's all I can control.

Be cool,
LFH

[givingitmyall]

Second, a soccer mom took a liking to me this evening at our match as my W watched from afar. This was a very pretty single mom...I think this may have hit my W's jealousy button.

This is good. Let her see another woman's interest in you.

[givingitmyall]

Well, crazy work day, especially for a Friday. Was in meetings or putting out fires from 8:30 am - 7:30 pm. Good to be busy.

Got home late. Had what was left of dinner as I told W about my day. W seemed interested to talk to me. We joked as our cat (who we've only had a month) has finally decided to venture upstairs to chekc out the rest of the house.

S decided to stay up to watch the night game on ESPN. W and I (in sep. bedrooms of course) decided to hit the hay.

At Coach's suggestion, I'm gonna turn up my mojo this weekend and see if W will open up some more. She looked great tonight. I'm so worn out from the day that I forgot to tell how great it was she cleaned most of the house except for "my" room as she says. I will make a point to thank her tomorrow.

I keep thinking we have to be getting closer to W bringing up some discussion of our R. We just have to. She can't want this existence any more than I do...can she?

[Hope4us]

GIMA, Sounds like progress to me, but don't get in a hurry. If she wants to talk about the R, then ok, but don't bring it up yourself.

You're having good times together. She's sharing with you and you're sharing with her. That's GOOD. Don't get in a hurry and wreck it by pushing.

I know it's hard. Trust me. But right now she' probably testing things and if you push it, it'll set you back.

Just enjoy the conversations, enjoy the time you're spending together. You keep filling up her love bank without expectations and pretty soon she'll be thinking more about you guys and not just herself.

Let me share a little story to illustrate.

Last night, W and I went out for dinner. We had a really nice time. Came home and sat on the couch together just talking. W got her phone out and started looking at the pictures on it. She went through all her pictures and when she got a ways back, like to a year ago she showed me a couple pictures that shocked me. Almost a year ago, when W was telling me she still didn't even know if she wanted to "try" to work on our marriage, we went to Disney World, just the two of us. Prior to us leaving I called and arranged to have a gift basket delivered to our room so it was there waiting for her when we got there.

So we get there and the basket is in the room and W walks up to it and says "what's this?" I said, it's for you. On the card I just said "Welcome Home, Looking forward to a great week". The Welcome Home thing is related to our timeshares at Disney and that's what they say to us when we check in. Any way, she looked at the card and set it down and didn't say a thing, didn't open the basket or anything. Of course that bothered me, but I didn't let it show.

At some point in the next day or two, W opened up the basket, but didn't really say anything to me about it. But.....there on her phone last night were two pictures of the basket! And she said she LOVED getting it.

So the point? When your W is still in her own Limboland, things you do that show her love and that you're interested in her and thinking about her do have an affect, but she just might not be in a place she can share that with you yet because she's still not sure about her feelings.

Don't push it. Enjoy the times you're sharing together. It's showing her you guys CAN have a happy marriage.

[givingitmyall]

Hey Hope4Us.

That's funny, we, too, are DVC members - heading down there in just a few weeks.

Don't push it. Enjoy the times you're sharing together. It's showing her you guys CAN have a happy marriage.

This was very helpful. I think I get lost sometimes in the feeling of "maybe we are back to normal." It feels like it sometimes. So, what could be the harm in pushing - then I realize no matter how this feels right now, she has still yet to come to me to signal she wants to work on us.

Thanks for reminding me to stay the course and to continue to show her there is no reason to worry about opening up to me b/c it's on her timetable.

Her interest in college football really surprised me.

[Hope4us]

GIMA, Wow, small world. We're off to the Food and Wine Festival in 6 weeks. So where's your home resort? Where you staying this trip?

We have points at Saratoga Springs and Boardwalk. Boardwalk is definitely our favorite although Beach Club and Old Key West are right up there. And Saratoga is growing on us. If you ever stay there, request the Grandstand section. There's a pool right there, it's a short walk to the restaurant and it's the first bus stop leaving or returning. The only resorts we don't care for are Wilderness Lodge and Animal Kingdom. Those are too far away from Epcot and MGM for us.

The one part I didn't share about that trip is towards the end of the week we were there we ML for the first time in over a year. And then there was a pull back. So get ready for that possibility. But if there's one place in the world that can rekindle a spark, it's WDW.

If it feels like you're getting back to normal, you probably are, even if she doesn't realize it yet. Give her the time she needs and you'll get there.

Keep it up, it's working.