I think I am checking out of the DB Hotel for a while. It was nice being here but....
I need to straighten my head out right now. I had kept a lot of pain at bay because I wasn't strong enough to handle it. I knew that if I started to deal with it , I might cry a river and never stop. Well, guess what? I must be strong now because these past few days I have taken all that pain out and gone through every inch of it. And the residual anger. Hoo boy! Talk about Fun Times!!
I am not bitter but I am cold. And I have said very little to H over the past few days because I simply don't feel like making the effort. And I know that is bad. I just can't seem to shake it. I can't find it in me right now to be having the fun picnic with all my delectable sandwiches on display. I need to get my head together.
And wow...H has brought me several little gifts recently. And done some favors that I never asked him to do. Can you believe it? I didn't even remember that he knew I liked some of this stuff. I was shocked at one of the things he did for me. He hasn't done that since things were normal between us.
Secret? H is not happy. He is not. I have passed by him sitting and staring into space several times and the look on his face is one of absolute misery.If I had a camera I would have snapped a picture and shown it to him. Is his Fabulous New Life Not Fabulous after all? But he gets right up and goes back to it.
He has also done a few little things to see how I will react. But I haven't. I would normally have thrown a fit but I have said nothing. It is nothing that disrespects me so I can let it go but it is stuff that I would have reacted to strongly previously.
I am still not giving up on my M. I am just in a funk right now and I need to work myself out of it. I am detached and attached. I am engaged and disengaged. KWIM? I have to straighten my head out.
