If you feel the counselor you/your wife have been seeing is acting inappropriately its worth considering notifying the state board that licenses therapists..just a thought.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
Did you talk with your doctor about your prescription? If you review your posting, there is a very strong consistency throughout this thread. Every morning your posting is almost normal and as the day goes on it is getting worse and worse. I would assume that the affects wear off or kick in through out the day. You are getting some incredible advice here, but it is no good if you can't control your impulses. I don't want to sound like an a@@hole, but the problem I see is you! It appears that your wife is/has tried extremely hard and you keep burning bridges! I am positive your daughter knows all the buttons to push to get you riled up and you can't stop it!
I hate to be honest...but that is the truth....period. Yeah...I have ADD, but I have learned to use it to my advantage. There is no drugs or asking for sympathy! I have a gift that I refuse to let control me....I control it. The one difference between us...I knew about it when I was 7 and made a choice to use it to my advantage! So I have had 30 years to learn how to do that, you are only starting. Right now I see your behavior destroying your relationship with your family.
Everyone here has been saying the same thing over and over, but you are missing the point. Until you save yourself...your marriage is gone.
So you understand...it rips my heart out to say what I said above. I have read your posts, feel your pain, and sympathize with you completely. I see a guy who will go a mile to save his family...but he needs to start with himself. Show me what you have!
Didn't take the meds today,feeling like my old self,my mind is working and my body has been able to follow.
I'll post at nite after work, at work I need to work, your answers give me something to look forward to.
Actually was able to think somethings thru and for the first time in 2 months, I slept, I napped, watched tv and I'm going to drink a couple beers with my dad.
I've got a plan, several plans. But you know what,none of them include S. She's too mean anyway,but I know she's hurting and I had to laugh at the extremes she is taking to avoid me,it's really kind of funny, I couldn't believe I didn't take it personally. At somepoint married or not,later in life I'm going to remind her what a @$%% she was and we're going to laugh.I have been so far on some of the stunts.
Knowledge and Humor has done me well.
Realized I was looking at some outside influences to make me feel better about myself and this.
You were right.
It all starts with me,I need to change my thinking.I have to control myself before anyones going to change.Me,the kids,her.
When you all were down, what did you say to yourself,that snapped you out of a down thought?Because that is the deal,my thought is what controls my emotions which is driving everyone nuts.
I had been going about somethings all wrong. There were some changes that they wanted me to change,some of those were good.But they would've been fake.
There were other things they wanted me to change,that no way in heck that would ever be me and it's too late to regret anyway.
I'm not a lay down or be a yes man,that's what the kids want.Not going to change that.They want me to not blow up really quick,then be nice.I can change that.
For example D and I talked Thurs. said friends over fine,her friends over if they smoke,smoke outside.
Longstory short was packing stuff and I smelled smoke,her door was locked. Now I could've broken it down,I had more fun watching boys jump out of her window.Then I again explained there is a difference between disappointed and Mad. Tonite I'm disappointed, next time I going to be flipping Mad. A couple of months ago, she would've seen me break down a door and I'm not above beating up some teenagers.
Jack in this case I chose to be passive,then I'll be agressive. D's been warned.
I neverminded being in trouble,my entire life the most fun I had included a grounding or now a seperation but I never liked to disappoint. I'm not in trouble with S for things I didn't accept or forgive myself for. I'm not in trouble for things I've accepted or forgiven her for.
I'm in trouble because she has had trouble accepting and forgiving things she has asked of herself,she needs to do that before she can accept and forgive me.
Both the kids said yesterday,I always favored their mom.I can change that.They said be mean back to mom,not going to do that.
I have a lot of work to do,but it's all on myself being a better myself.
I feel good!
And I believe in God,this is his will. I know that God or a higher power to some, has led me to you. Thank you.
He is giving me just as much an opportunity to be my true self as her.
I haven't been an I in a long time. I haven't been myself in a longer time.
Huge difference in one day off your medicine. In the past when you posted this late at night, your thoughts were all over the place. Tonight you seem very well.
I see that they kids mentioned "favoring" mom. That is a very common situation with ADD people. They become very focused on the object of their attention. A lot of spouses of ADD people remember the early days of their relationships when they were flooded with attention and love, beyond the normal levels, then later on wonder "Where did it go?". I suggest changing your focus from being attentive to your wife to being attentive to your children. Let them become your focus...from schoolwork to play! I think you will be amazed at how fast you can change your relationship with them and in turn how they act.
On too the kids. I used to be like you running around trying to control everything with a "it is my way or the highway" attitude. We all talk about boundaries with children, but the methods to enforce these boundaries vary greatly. I have found the "disappointment" factor works much better than screaming and shouting. I think in the end it actually hurts children more to disappoint a parent than getting hollered at. Most children want their parents admiration and support. When you switch that around and refer to unacceptable behavior as "disappointing" it hits a switch inside them. When this started my son was out of control in school and at home (I became single full time parent overnight). Hollering wasn't working and I read about letting children make responsible choices were good choices were rewarded and bad choices became disappointments....with no hollering. Example being homework. My son would fight homework and I would get angry and shout and in the end it would take 2-3 hours to do 30 minutes of homework. So I switched methods and told him he had a choice to do homework or not...it was up to him. I told him I would be disappointed if he didn't do his homework and that his grades would suffer and his grandmother would be disappointed, but the choice was his. I wasn't going to fight anymore. I do reward him for doing his homework though. Whether it is playing catch, a snack, or a run to the ice cream parlor. In affect reinforcing good behavior! After a 1.5 years...he now comes home after school and sits right down to do homework. Friends call and ask to play...his reply is "Not until my homework is done". There is no fighting, homework gets done every night, and hasn't had a bad behavior mark this school year (my old son had a bad behavior mark almost everyday). My son is only 7 where as your children are older, but the principles should work the same. Just to a little twist to the whole story, my son is a diagnosed ADHD child. So it can be done...just takes consistency.
