Stuck, I don't think your W has ever let go of her fantasy of "what might have been" from the A. Even if that A didn't last.....she may have the dream of meeting some other man and "what might happen if she were single". That has kept her from investing any effort into a R with you since she moved back. It has kept her captured as surely as if she had been in prison. The frustrating part is to know that only "she" can escape from the walls she built around herself. You tried to tear those walls down but she apparently won't allow it.
I believe that you need to decide if you want to continue in this "stuck" R where she thinks she has no feelings for you.....or risk a S in order for her to discover what she wants. I would think the bottom line is to face whether or not you are afraid of losing her forever. What are you willing to gamble?
If there were no children, what would you do? BTW, you can look at your girls and tell them that you tried as hard as you could. It is a gamble (if you still hope for a future with her) and you would certainly be out of your comfort zone. In all reality, you have lost her already if she thinks she doesn't love you anymore. You just felt more "comfortable" knowing she was living at home with you. I'm not telling you which way to go with this, Stuck, I'm just talking.
You have been thinking of dating and how that might influence her, so how would being S affect her....knowing you were free to live like a single man (or would she expect you to act as if you were M?) Are you prepared to see her live like a single woman?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
