Thought I was over this

[ClingingToHope]

C-Bart,

Thanks. My delusional phase lasted about three months. I really believed I'd worked extra hard to keep things together and I believed the only way back for us after I left was if everything just caved in around her.

To keep busy, I started attending a very large church in our area -- which surprised her because I've never been very religious -- and they offer marriage matters/rebuilders classes. It's both for couples and people divorced/or going through the process.

I've been to five sessions and each one was just such an eye-opener. I've been discounting all the things she said over the years as depression -- that once she woke up she'd realize how great I am. I realize now that she's been telling me to improve for at least seven years and I never paid attention.

I've learned so much that I broke a big DB rule. I've written her a letter after each class telling her what I learned and then relaying something from her past where I thought I was right and now realize I was wrong.

She called me after the first one and we had the first really good conversation since I left. There's been no positive movement since, but there's also been no negative movement.

I worry though that the more "normal" this becomes the more permanent it will become. What's next for us is on my mind a lot, but she never betrays much on whether it's on her mind.

I still hold out hope that at some point she'll want to work on the marriage. I know now that I can't push it -- I have one more session in the marriage class and then I'll stop the letters -- but this takes soooooo much patience.

If you look at our bios -- we are almost exactly the same. I'm praying for you.