So... that's what I'm dealing with ... his hurt and distrust. The plan for that is.. listen and validate? That is what I have been trying to do when we do have R talks that is. We are also going to start MC next month and I will practice a lot of that. Anything else I can do to help mend the hurt and distrust? That is definitely his main message = he's been hurt, can't get over past hurts, doesn't trust me that it will be different.
I'm feeling awful about how I've hurt him. I know that he's hurt me just as badly. But I also know the first and most important thing I can do is look at myself. Stop the blame. I have really worked hard on this. It's awful to know I've hurt him. I wish I could take back the past and so does he. He says he doesn't know if he can get past the past (lol that sounds funny but it's real). I guess giving him time, space, validation, compassion, and dealing with my own anxiety and fear of losing him so that I"m "ok no matter what" is the plan?
Any more advice?
Thanks Dia, I really see you as so strong ( and hilarious I love your thread!) and have come a long way with successful DB. THanks for the responses!
