Here's my deal. It is not about self respect. It is about my sanity and my ability to live without being constantly manipulated or influenced emotionally by H's behavior. I want to be happy.
This is not about being able to walk away with my self respect and dignity. I feel completely humiliated when I look at my sitch from that vantage point, it is too amorphous and whimsical...self-respect, dignity, self-esteem, ego...they're just words.
No, what I want is to do what works for me, knowing that my head and my heart are in the right places, knowing that I am not out to one up anyone, pay back, get him back, screw him over, turn him on (well, maybe a little) but overall, what this means is the following. I did NOT feel ok about picking H up from the airport, I knew objectively that it was unreasonable because it felt unreasonable and I could trust my feelings because I have worked hard to get to this place where I know my intentions are clear. I did feel ok having brunch with H and the kids that same weekend. I have ignored many correspondences and when H prodded "oh, so you're not answering my texts or emails" with his smirk on his face, I answered very cooly and amicably, "I always answer if you ask me a pertinent question or if something needs addressing. Certainly let me know if I haven't responded to something important and I will." Done, no fight, no weirdness. Different circumstances require different responses, it is life.
RSF- you do have to ebb and flow, you do have to ignore sometimes and respond others. Some will of course vary in their opinions as to what to do when and the truth is, the advice is still pretty much the same. Get your head screwed back on, stop with your agenda, stop going by HER reactions and go by YOURS. That is a big one for me. Often monitoring results is more about seeing what works for you and stabilizes you, not her. Get that?
If you love her, if you love yourself, you do have to work on your ego...just know that you've taken a hit here and stop hanging on to it. You don't have to aim for cocky, just do what you can to feel self-assured and stable whether that includes dating, working out, meditating, therapy, your call.
