Magnificent

[mishka422]

I don't regret the M, there is no point in that. I regret some of my own actions and reactions. Again, nothing that can be done about that either. This day is just making me reflective. I'm hoping for a good night.

Tonight is the homecoming game at the high school. My cousin's son is on the homecoming court and since it's his senior year he could be king. We'll see.

Marc is so torn today. He wants to go to his dad's (which I'm all for in case you thought I was glad he didn't want to go there) but he also wants to go to the game. The problem with this is that Gabe says he can only pick him up at 9pm after he gets off work. The game will go until 10p or just after. Marc didn't bother to even mention the game to Gabe so he doesn't have any idea how badly Marc wants to go. I haven't heard a word from him about pick up time or anything. I let Marc arrange all of that since he's old enough to, but he's not communicating his desires very well. I'm not going to put words into his mouth and contact Gabe for him so how can I coach him to get his point across to his dad? Any good phrasing you guys can come up with. I'm afraid anything I were to say to Gabe about it would just sound bad.

[oldtimer]

Send a text: "Dad, there is an important game that I very much would like to go to tonight. I also love you and want to spend time with you. Do you have any flexibility with respect to pick up time? If you could get me at 10:15, it would really make my day. Love you, Marc"

[kat727]

Are you going to the game too? Maybe you could drop Marc off after the game? Suggest to Marc that since this is a big deal for the family, he would like to stay for the whole game and either you can drop him off or Gabe can get him later.

kat

[dday101798]

Yeah really, why can't you compromise so that Mar can do both?

[mishka422]

That's my point. I don't want it to seem like it's me forcing an issue though. This really is because Marc wants to do both and I have no problem with that. I have a feeling that Marc didn't mention any of this to him because he doesn't want to rock the boat. The perfect scenario would be for Gabe to pick Marc up in the parking lot after the game. I can have his bag on the golf cart (yes....I drive the golf cart to the game...easier parking since I can pull into grass anywhere) and he is actually closer to his place from the school than he would be from my house.

I'll call Marc as soon as he's out of school and tell him what I think he should say to his dad so that Gabe doesn't get mad about the arrangements.

Thanks for the suggestions!

[mishka422]

Well....problem solved.

Gabe called me the second I posted that last bit.

He is going to pick him up at the house tomorrow morning. I guess I won't be going to my friend's house tonight after the game like I'd planned. Better that Marc gets to do what he wants though.

[mishka422]

I've made it through the weekend.....*sigh*

Journaling only -

Energy level - toilet
Accomplishments today - made lunch and did two loads of laundry - how danged lazy! Spent the rest of the day snoozing (didn't sleep last night) and watching football games (Yea Falcons!)
What did I do with my day today? Wasted it. Gabe took Marc to a festival in the next town over that I knew nothing about. How is it that I never hear about these things? Where does he find out about them? Grrrr...that ticks me off. I'm always looking for things to do with Marc but can't find anything interesting and most importantly....cheap!

Frankly, I think I'm afraid to leave my mom for more than an hour or so unless I'm at work. She has been so sick the last few weeks but it seems to be mostly on dialysis days. I'm beginning to wonder if it's in a small part psychosommatic. Hmmm......she won't go to the doctor. She says she sees enough doctors at dialysis and she doesn't want to make more work for me. The docs at the center don't diagnose anything, they just supervise the kidney function and effectiveness of the dialysis. I can't convince her to go. I even tried the tactic of telling her she was making it worse on me by not going because I'm becoming a prisoner in my own house....still didn't fly.

Loneliness bites. Depression sucks. I'm so sick of all of this. There has to be a better way out of this. Therapy is interesting, but I don't understand how anything she says to me is going to counteract decades of this. I've worked on all of these issues before, using many of the same tactics she has been giving me without seeing any long-term results. How is his going to be different? Just because I'm paying someone to tell me what I already know is it magically going to work better? A mindset is just that....a mind that is SET! How does someone go about convincing themselves that a lie is truth? That is what she is asking me to do. I can't. I hate lies even if they are engineered to make someone feel better in the long run. Still not a truth and that sickens me.

[shellshockedga]

Mishka, I appreciate your kind words on my thread. However, since you have been through this in GA, I am very interested in knowing more about the D process. Did you and your H use a mediator? Did you have seperate Ls? I am just very scared of the unknown.

[mishka422]

That's why it is so important to get as informed as possible - to dispell the fear.

We started out having separate L's. His dropped him about 6 months after he filed for several reasons and by then he didn't have money to hire another one. I already had mine on retainer so she finished it for me.

You heard me right - he filed but in the end I had to be the one to finish it. He was quite content to keep me legally tied to him while continuing the disrespect me and our family while having no intention of giving up his adultery partner. I had to be the one to push the D to it's end.

The process in GA is simple if you aren't arguing over things. It's just as drawn out as anywhere else if you are.

The up side is....it's very easy to stop the D up until the last second when the judge signs and stamps the final decree. Take heart in that.

Tell your L your specific wishes. Be completely open. You don't want a D, you want this to go as slowly as possible. From the time you are served papers you have 30 days to respond. Make sure to tell your L to wait the entire 30 days and to wait the entire maximum time for EVERY response from then on.

Unfortunately I don't know anything about mediators in GA. I have a lot of friends that I met through DivorceCare that have been through the process but they all used L's.

I hope that answers some of your questions SSGA. Most importantly, you need to do what you feel is right for you and your family. Never give in to pressure from your W to sign something, move anywhere, or do anything. This is about YOUR life. This is about your children's lives. If your W is so determined to get out of your M, then she suffers the worst of the consequences. She moves out, she doesn't not enter the home once she does, she suffers the financial burdens of her new situation all on her own, she loses at LEAST 50% of time with her children.

[MichelleLT]

(((Mishka)))

Just checking in.

I've been doing the two job thing as well, keeping me busy.

I am glad to hear you are still doing C even though it is stressful. Just keep moving forward my girl, I can see the progress from across the country!

And you obviously know we'll never abandon you!