Now that you are a bit out of crisis mode, step back a little. What exactly about H looking at porn bothered you?
Was it that it was secret? The particular content or would any porn have been a problem? Is it that your sex life is empty and he has this private sex life?
Really dig deep down. How exactly did it make you feel? Angry? Sad? Disgusted? What about it exactly connects to various feelings?
I think that putting a 100% ban on porn is setting you both up for failure. Pretty much all men masturbate to porn. Why do you want to make H giving that up a litmus test for your M?
You are better off getting much more specific about the problem and then looking at more creative and less controlling solutions.
FWIW, the secret world of porn thing was a huge problem in my XM when I discovered XH's involvement in porn and phone sex. I can understand if you feel the world has shifted, and in a bad way. Anyway, we stayed M for almost another 10 years, but neither of us dealt with the real problems around the porn in a useful way. It kept us stuck. If you can let go of the drama and the oh-what-a-deep-betrayal position, you will be much better off in terms of moving forward and finding some kind of honesty in your M in which neither party has to be suppressed/repressed sexually.
