This has been a rough year for my family. I believe some of the external events that happened this year pushed H into early mlc. He'd been distant for some time but I finally straight out asked him one night if he loved me and he said No, that he wanted a seperation. He wouldn't go to MC and that he just wanted to "move on". He also said there was no OW at this time. (I do not know if this is totally true or not but nothing I can control so trying not to worry about it.) We have 2 young children but could tell right away that "try for the children" suggestion held no power at all over his decision.
This whole thing was a shock to me. I decided that no matter what I was not going to deal with this with begging, pleading, guilt or anger. I wanted to figure out what was going on and obviously my part in it. Luckily finding DB and Light his fire showed me how the marriage that I thought was just going through a tough time had actually been in danger of serious trouble for ages!
So now I am making all the changes that I need to make - looking at H's small compliants from the past and doing the opposite (180s). Treating him with tons more appreciation for the little nice things he does and despite our tough situation treating him with respect. Letting the little stuff roll off my back. Not talking about the relationship unless he brings it up. etc, etc....
H has been in a much better mood. We are communicating more & better than we have in years. He's cutting down a little on the time he spends on his computer. He's being more & more considerate. He has not moved out yet or said anything about doing so...and he hasn't moved into the spare bedroom yet. We are far from out of "trouble" but I am appreciative of every small positive little change in our relatinoship that I am seeing. I know that I still have so much to learn about marriage and men....I only hope that it is not too late for me in this marriage! Time will tell.
