It is such a rollercoaster. I've lost the two most significant men in my life this year. I have to be careful... yes, no sudden moves. Thx for helping me think rationally when I just can't.
Update - have talked to H a little more this week. Took a box of odds and ends to him yesterday and ran into his dad and mutual friends. I was nice to H and offered him one of my dad's bow-ties for the service tmrw. We thought it'd be nice if some of the men Dad knew wore his old ties. I said "I don't know if you're planning to come to the svc, but if so, do you want a tie - up to you". And he smiled and took a bright red one. My GF doesn't think he's planning to come, and I'm doing my very best not to obsess about why that would be. It just is.
Also texted H earlier this wk about when he planned to file. He wrote back that he had the pwk but no $ to file. I said "when you do, you don't have to serve me. I'll sign". He said "I wasn't going to have you served b/c I don't think that's very nice". I said "Thx. Maybe we can get through this and still be friends. Who knows".
I felt good about the exchange b/c the filing was on on my mind and I decided just to ask instead of just wondering. I thought he was nice and maybe it's a baby step to improving our relations. Then, when I saw him yesterday it seemed like he wasn't as quick to turn and stop the talking. I made a little small talk with him and his dad, and then walked away first to talk with other friends. So... it felt good.
I feel more confident and powerful. Letting H's fav t-shirt go (which I slept in the 1st month or so after the bomb) and old greeting cards/notes, and books wasn't too hard. I wanted to keep the t-shirt, but felt like I needed to just give him everything back.
For now, we are done. The future is unknown, but I feel confident it will be fulfilling for me and my kids. That's really all I want to focus on. Looking forward, not back.
