X obviously was using S15 as spy and dragged it out of him that D9 and I were at the theatre last night (b/c he never talks about stuff unless you ask direct questions and even then sometimes he won't!). He sends me long email re: me taking her to art club last Friday from 5:30 to 6:30(she had gone to school that entire week and she did have a cold, but I did take her). Saturday morning she woke up with a fever, and then I just took her to X. She says her fever got better, and he took her to an arcade/amusment place where they play putt-putt and games, the next day. I thought hmm, I probably would have let her rest that weekend but I certainly never said anything or emailed. His parenting judment at his home.
He emails today about how he kept D9 home over the weekend (which I know is a lie) and blah blah blah. I'm a horrible parent to take D9 to the theatre (she was on day 7 of her cold and had gone to school every day this past week.) he's shocked etc. I shouldn't have, but I am still human and emailed back:
D9's just fine. You yourself took her to Fun station on Sunday when she was still sick with her cold, the day after I know she had a high fever. I would never send you emails or question your parenting, b/c I know both of us love her and look out for her. I think if they have fever and vomiting or tired, keep them home, well that's my view anyway. There were 25 other kids there with her last night btw. (So if I'm a bad parent, there were 25-50 other parents in the same boat with me was what I meant by that.)
Yeah, I would have had a hard time not responding as well...
You really need to, though. He thrives on it...he loves the verbal battle and wants to "win" it and have proof on paper..."See judge, even HERE ..SHE says blah blah blah".....you need to not respond to anything. Keep the schedule, and that's it.
Actually I see nothing too terribly wrong with your response, especially if his goal is to use the correspondance in a custody trial.
You made a point to be repectful of the fact that the both of you being both her parents care for her.
Fact of the matter is, whether in happy times or times as such, I'd love to see a family unit where BOTH parents handle a situation exactly to a 'T'. We don't. We were raised differently by our own parents and thus, do what we know.
I wouldn't lose much sleep over it. It's unfortunate, but as I've learned, even after the D war is "over" and there's no sense in dragging issues out between yourself and X, their hostility lives on through the kids. When will it stop? I don't know, I'll let you know that one when I do myself.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Sorry to hear things are rough. Great to know you have wonderful support groups. Fantastic that doormattishness has been replaced by incredible womanosity.
*hugs*
What he does is none of your business. Finding out from the kids (either you or him) puts them in the middle. Any judge will see that.
Document what his usual and customary time with the kids was as far back as you can and continue. Write it down. A friend of mine would make notations in code... Stamps 9.15, Groceries 1.45, Gas 4.45 as a way of denoting the date and times.
Courts have seen it all.
Continue limiting your emails. If illness is an issue, include it in the note but don't nitpick. Stick to the facts, no finger pointing, no emotion. Include what you would to a babysitter.
Hi Karen! I dont think that you need to beat yourself up over the email. Sometimes we bite back! I do agree though that he might just be trying to get you to argue with him, but you got what you needed to say out and now if he cant drop it then its his problem!
Have a good weekend!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
OK, got an email, X can't pick up S15 at school Thursday so I need to. I'm fine with that, so will email back I will of course. But then he also emails--what time are you going to meet me Thurs. night to drop off the kids. I feel like emailing back, what part of no do you not understand???
I take them to volunteer/afterschool stuff tuesday afternoon, then we'd have time for a quick dinner and D9 and I may/may not go to the theatre if we're scheduled. I think I should just have the kids, and not do that switching back/forth which was his reason for changing the schedule up. When I emailed him I wouldn't be dropping off the kids last Tuesday, he pulled them out of school early/had them somewhere else. What should I do? My L is out of town still for another week or so. Any ideas? I'm sure my L will have to set a hearing when she gets back, but just trying to figure out what to do now.
Stick to the schedule. I know he is a bully and he is trying to get you to cave. Document all you can. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I bet he knows your L is out of town and that has increased his being a jerk to you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Unless Tuesday is his time for custody (according to your parenting agreement) your H should not be taking your kids without your prior consent.
He is plainly bullying you and doing as he pleases. Do not yield to his belligerence.
I would tell him in no uncertain terms what the schedule will be for this week or any week. Spell it out just exactly how you know it is supposed to be and stick to your guns. If he doesn't like it or wants to make a counter-offer, then fine -- just so long as he's respectful of your interests and those of the children -- if not, he can take a hike.
