desperate...

[bluerain]

I have known about a few people who's spouses found out, I dont think that it went over well at all! It can be kind of dangerous sometimes, we are a lot more candid on here than we might be if we were face to face with people.

My H knows about Divorce busters, but I dont know that he knows about these forums.

[bluerain]

Hi MotoB, Just checking in. Hope that all is well!

[1853dave]

MotoB,

What's going on? We all hope you are doing ok - but what's the latest???

[1853dave]

MotoB,

I hope you're ok - I know it's a tough time, but hang in there. I have read these words from other posters in the past, and it was tough - real tough - but in the end they were all correct. Things will get better. Some things take time. Maybe you're trying to sort your life out right now; maybe you aren't even sure where everything is going, but hang in there!! Just get through today, worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Try not to read too much into things - you can only control yourself, and your reactions, so be cool, take a deep breath, and don't panic.

I know, I know, easy to say... We've all been where you are.

Drop us a line, let us know what's up.

[motoB]

Sorry Ive been gone a while... military commitments. Not much has changed, except the 2 month "cool down period" has passed. She did tell me that she doesnt feel "that way" about me anymore. Thats a first. I know shes still in high gear to get this D over with though.

The one thing that really bothers me is that I know now that we are on two different wavelenghts for sure. I know this because I was with the social worker who is investigating our case(for custody reasons) and she told me that this is the hardest case shes ever worked because it seems that nothing that either of us has said jives with each other... NOTHING. It scares me because we were with the social worker, and she(the W) was telling a side of her story that never happened, including conversations that never took place. I told the social worker that I had no memory of these things ever happening in front of the W and she later accused me with tears in her eyes, of lying as we left the place. I know its common place to think your WAW is going crazy, but seriously Im really wondering now. Everything that has happened she sees totally different. She even got real upset because when the social worker questioned our D, even my D said her mommy had been lying. This isnt looking good...
Im not giving up, but man Im really scared.

[motoB]

Today and yesterday she has actually opened up some communication with me. Still says she dont think we will be back together, but really wants to be friends. She said she would like to know more about how Ive changed(through much counseling.) She also says that she doesnt trust me, and that over time if Im genuine that may change. I asked her point blank that when I gain that trust back is there a chance for us? She said she didnt want to give me false hope, but wouldnt rule it out of the question.

My friends say she is freaked out and trying to butter me up to still use her lawyer. Since weve seen the social worker, Ive decided(and more importantly got the funds) to hire a lawyer of my own. I dont want to fight her. I want to stay close to her and not make her hate me... but I must fight for my daughter. I dont know if she is really trying to do this or not... she was friendly and took my calls for 2 days, when before she wouldnt speak to me. She even was talking to me before she knew I was gonna hire a lawyer. My friends keep telling me to keep my distance, dont trust, and dont let myself get hurt anymore. What to do? Now Im in the deliema of trying to get closer to her to rekindle a spark, meanwhile still divorcing and trying to not make situations worse by causing rifts with the D, but trying to maintain. Im so worried and confused.

[bluerain]

Hi Motob, I lost your thread for a while. Its good that she is starting to communicate again. I think that as far as her not trusting your changes goes, the only way to show her its for real is to keep it up. Eventually she has to beleive that its not an act.

Im also really glad that you hired a lawyer! And she cant hate you for trying to defend yourself, she might be angry for a little while, but as long as you are fair, she cant stay that way.

Thanks for dropping by my thread, I think that Im still a little shocked at how things went, but you know, I guess you cant win them all.
How is everything otherwise? Have any GAL plans, or goals?

[motoB]

Hey Rain,
I thought of you while training, I wondered how the visit was going to play out... I think most of us here were shocked on some level. I have been woking the GAL as best I can... tough with little funds, and lots of work, but Im making it work for me. The sad part is the D is real close... maybe a few weeks away tops? She seems so at ease with the whole sitch, like shes trying to convince herself, or maybe she is really at ease. Ofcourse I wrestle with the idea that she fallen in love with someone else... and is keeping it quiet till after the D, thats why its so easy. I really dont know how to take it, but why the sudden open in communication, where for months there was none... she wouldnt ever respond, now she will answer when I call, return texts, and keep it going as a conversation. The other night we texted back and forth for over an hour... and it was late(out of character for her)I dont know. Any ideas? Come to think of it though, I dont think she ever really initiates anything on her own.

Also our anniversary is in a few days, I thought of simlpy dropping a sunflower in her car(her favorite flower) with a note saying I love you more(from the movie Fireproof...something she really liked when I wrote it on some stuff I sent to her office for Valentines day.) I think Its subtle, and not in the spotlight like sending it to her office in front of people. I really feel compelled to do something... its an important day, at least to me anyway. What do you think?

Well I dont think Ill ever get stationed up there... not a whole lot of regular Navy gigs that way... but I would love to visit. Ive always wanted to... actually had plans to take a cruise up there with the wife, but well that didnt exactly pan out. Now I need to just save the money and do it for me I guess, see theres a goal. I see you were trying to join the AF. They are tough to get into, are there any more recruiters around you other than the one you talked to? If so let me know and Ill coach you a bit on do's and dont's of the recruiting game, especially with the AF... Im sure your H probably knows... but then again maybe not, those puddle jumping coasties arent really military anyway.... LOL! You know Im teasing. Let me know if I can help... I really appreciate you always looking in on me. Hope your day is well...
B.

[bluerain]

B, I just need a job! And the military was sort of my final option. The AF recruiter called back and was much nicer this time around. He didnt ask about the AD's, and I didnt tell, Ive actually been told that I can just take that page out of my medical records, but Im a little nervous about that! I was interested in healthcare/ science jobs, but I have a secret part of me that is interested in law enforcement too. I think that the Army can offer me more anyway. Originally my plan was to finish my undergrad degree and apply to medical schools, once you are accepted, they will pay for EVERYTHING. Now Im toying with the idea of going to a university that has an ROTC program, but everythings in such a state of flux right now, I just dont know exactly what Im going to do.

Phew, enough about me! Anniversaries are tough, how do you think that she would react to the sunflower? Can she say I love you back? I think that the sunflower might be a good idea, you are still married, and it is still an important day, Im just afraid that the message might be too much. You know her and her reactions better than I do, I just hope that you can be realistic about it.
Also, whether you decide to do the flower or not, I think that it would be a good idea for you to plan something for yourself that day, can you spend the day with your parents, or siblings? I guess I just think that it might be a good idea for you to be busy that day, and Im guessing that it falls on the weekend, so you might be able to get away a little.

I didnt realize that you were in the Navy, I cant think of anything but a recruiter up here. Whats your job? I think that its a good goal to visit somewhere you have always wanted to go! I have started to plan a trip to Thailand, realistic? Not really, but that doesnt matter, it doesnt cost much to buy used travel books from amazon, and looking at hotels and flights on expedia is free!

Puddle jumpers, right, and what is it that they call the Navy, Squibs? lol, Im sorry, I couldnt help it.

Happy friday!

[bluerain]

Hi B, I just wanted to stop by and check in! I hope that your having a good week!