My W has threatened me with divorce on two separate occasions (early May and three weeks ago)...and still no served papers. She actually contacted a lawyer the second time around.
Be cool and be calm. Make an appointment with an attorney to determine your rights...this will give you peace of mind. My lawyer told me to sit back and relax. It's not over till it's over. Focus on making yourself happy during this time.
Regards, LFH
ME: 38 W: 35 D2.5 and S5 Married 12 years Separated (same house, different rooms) INILWYAM by W: 4/16/2009 The day W requested a D: 4/17/2009
Well my W gave me the news that she contacted a L and is proceeding with a D. I'm deciding what to do next.
Stuck,
I'm so sorry to hear the news. This may seem like the end of a lifetime, but you have been preparing yourself to be the better man for your future, whatever it may come. That has been what you have been trying to tell me all this time.
Any time you need to talk, you know you can find my contact info via fb
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
See a lawyer, be prepared. Let her handle her end. This sitch needs to come to a head and I believe that it does not mean it is over, it means it is time to stop d*cking around.
I'm know it is painful. Be cool. Be the man you have become and take care of yourself. We're all here for you.
You have given so much advice to others in these same shoes, so what would you tell a H who just found out this news from his WAW?
Your W is searching for something. You have been in this for quite a while now and you have been faithful to her and the MR. Perhaps it will take losing you before she finds out that she had what she was searching for all the time. I believe you still love her and I believe this will hurt you, but I also believe you will handle it much better now than you would have the last time the two of you S. You are a lot stronger and a lot wiser now. You are going to make it through. She is the one that I am really concerned about b/c she didn't grow like you did, and she is going to face some tough stuff....all brought about by her own decisions.....and that is what she'll have to live with. I hope she will not completely ruin her entire future before she finally wakes up and sees how much she had. But, nobody can blame you for not waiting around to see if she does or doesn't b/c you gave her every chance and you certainly gave her plenty of space. From things I've read in your posts to others, I've felt like you are ready to move on. I believe you can have the attitude, "What will be--will be". That is why I'm not "worried" about you. That's not to say I don't still care! As long as you don't allow bitterness to take control of your attitude.....I know you will be fine. I don't think you are stuck any longer, sweetie.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi (and Stuck), So true, Sandi. Great summary, great advice. In my last IC session (on forgiveness), after much review of the sitch and my progress, I told him, "I will be alright. I will be happy again I will even be better. I know this. But I'm afraid my dear friend is headed for disillusionment, disappointment, regret and a big fall."
For similar reasons you cited to stuck.
Stuck, I'll be following your sitch more closely now that I'm back. We're in the same boat now.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
My heart, prayers and friendship goes out to you bud. Find me on FB if you want to talk
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Stuck, I know that's a kick in the groin, but like others have mentioned, it's not over yet if you still want to save your marriage.
My W threatened me with D mulitple times. Even sent me some financial disclosure paperwork to fill out so she could take it to her lawyer and they could plot the demise of our marriage.
I told her I would not fill the paperwork out. I told her if SHE wanted a divorce I would not help her in it's execution, but if she did file, that I would counter sue on the grounds of adultery and I would call her and OM to the stand so they could tell the whole world what has been going on. I also told her that S17 (16 at the time) was old enough to decide who he wanted to live with, but that I would do everything in my power to see that he'd live with me because he needed a stable parent in his life, and right now, she ain't it.
And that ended the D talk.
I could be totally off base here and if I am, there's still stuff you can do, but the way I see it, you called her on her crap and she didn't like it, so now she's threatening you with D.
I say, tell her if she wants a D, go ahead and file, but that you won't help her destroy your marriage. And if she files, you will do everything in your power to protect yourself and your kids. Then see what she does.
If she still goes ahead and files, get a lawyer (if you haven't already) and protect yourself and your kids. This might be what she thinks she wants right now, but these things take time and you can use that time to your advantage. If she thinks a D is going to make everything better for her, then let her see just what a D will be like. Do not give her A SINGLE PENNY more than the court orders. If you separate, DO NOT COMMUNICATE with her except where the kids are involved.
See, right now she's still in that dream world where she thinks life with OM would be all perfect. But the reality is, she knows NOTHING about him. You guys separate and she'll pursue that relationship. And when he has to meet all her needs, he'll fail. Is OM married? Have a GF? If so, she's going to put all kinds of pressure on him. See, I left my H just for you. He'll never be able to measure up to that.
And then, when that fails on her, she'll come limping back. And then you'll have a decision to make whether you want her or not.
Again, we are just outsiders here giving you advise based on our experiences and what we've observed. You have to decide how you want to play it.
Keep you chin up.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
