You have given so much advice to others in these same shoes, so what would you tell a H who just found out this news from his WAW?
Your W is searching for something. You have been in this for quite a while now and you have been faithful to her and the MR. Perhaps it will take losing you before she finds out that she had what she was searching for all the time. I believe you still love her and I believe this will hurt you, but I also believe you will handle it much better now than you would have the last time the two of you S. You are a lot stronger and a lot wiser now. You are going to make it through. She is the one that I am really concerned about b/c she didn't grow like you did, and she is going to face some tough stuff....all brought about by her own decisions.....and that is what she'll have to live with. I hope she will not completely ruin her entire future before she finally wakes up and sees how much she had. But, nobody can blame you for not waiting around to see if she does or doesn't b/c you gave her every chance and you certainly gave her plenty of space. From things I've read in your posts to others, I've felt like you are ready to move on. I believe you can have the attitude, "What will be--will be". That is why I'm not "worried" about you. That's not to say I don't still care! As long as you don't allow bitterness to take control of your attitude.....I know you will be fine. I don't think you are stuck any longer, sweetie.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
