How do I not give up on our M while also detaching?
Hope, I think you have made the same mistake many people make about detaching. It appears to me that you equate detaching with withdrawing. That's not what detaching is.
Detaching is actually accepting the possibility you will be D'd despite your efforts. And you know you will be ok. You aren't detaching from the other person so much as you are detaching from the eventual outcome.
Detaching is NOT giving a cold shoulder, being withdrawn, being rude, losing love, numbing yourself b/c you do not want to be hurt again, acting out of anger or ignoring another.
Detaching is loving someone enough to let them free to make a decision that may not include you. And being ok with it.
Now, for the hard part. While you are detaching, you are, at the same time changing yourself to make YOU happy. In that way, you become more attractive to your H. Maybe he comes back, maybe not.
So, to answer your question, you detach TO WORK ON the M. Detachment and working on the M are not opposing forces. You can detach (which is really about getting your mind right) and work on your M at the same time.
