Infidelity

[sandi2]

I am glad that you come to vent your feelings here and choose not to show them to your WAH. I refer to him as the walk away husband b/c he has actually left you in his heart. You do realize that, don't you? As if that was not enough, he went further to show you how much he placed the OW above his own W by moving out of the bedroom to sleep in another room (and I can imagine what goes on over the phone between two of them while he's in there!). He has spoken very disrespectful to you by constantly reminding you how he doesn't care if you like what he's doing and for you not to count on him being around. You have been so eager for whatwhatever crumbs he threw your way, that you think b/c he took time to sit at the breakfast table with your daughter and he bought you some drink that he is all "sweet"? You are really messed up, but I suppose you have the mindset a lot of LBS get in the beginning of their stitch......which isn't the right kind of mindset.

So, what do you have planned to do this weekend? Have you pre-decided how to handle any attempts that he "may" try at contacting you or the kids while he is scr@wing OW in CA? I know, that sounds crude of me to talk like that, but I did it on purpose b/c he is NOT sweet and you seem to need reminding what he is doing. Why.....why on earth do you want to throw yourself on him and slobber all over him telling him how much you love him? That makes no sense to me. I can tell you that it is the very last thing that a WAS wants!

I feel week. The pain is back in my chest and I just want to hug my H and tell him I love him. I am sure this is because the weekend is getting closer and he is going to CA to "work" and I know see the OW. It is killing me. I just want my marriage back. This is where I get totally stuck with grief and pain and don't know how to get out of this

Okay, let's talk about this. It is no sin to confess that you realize you are weak......but make sure your actions are not weak. I can understand the pain in your chest b/c you are under terrible stress, but hugging your H and telling him you love him will NOT MAKE IT BETTER! It will make things worse. Now, here is a 2X4. I try to be understanding and be patient at first, but then I am thinking it is time to get some spunk in your backbone and be a woman with some self-respect! You can cry about how you wish this would all just go away and you had your M back again.....or you can choose to take control of your life. Which one will you do? You see, this is a very important decision b/c you are going to have some very hard days to face and you need to get "real" instead of this wishing it was back like it use to be. Ain't gonna happen that way! Just between us girls......aren't you pretty sharp? I mean, really, aren't you a smart female? I bet you are, but you aren't using the smarts God gave you. Time to get cracking.

Plan ahead. Have you thought about how you will act when your H returns from his big weekend? He may not return....have you considered that? The way he was talking to the kids and the way he was spending those few minutes with D6 (trying to get some brownie points) that made me think that he was waiting on OW to give him the green light this weekend as to whether or not he would come back home anytime soon. Perhaps I should have kept those thoughts to myself, but on the other hand.....you need to face reality. If OW is M, your H may be waiting to see if OW leaves her H and family to be with him. Then your H will know what steps to take based on what OW does. So, be prepared in case he calls out of the blue to tell you he and OW are living together and he's not coming home. I'm not trying to cause you to have a heart attack, but I am trying to get you to see this for what it is. He was sending you some sort of message the last few days, but you may not know exactly what it is untill he meets up with hiw OW.

Always plan ahead with what you may say or things you can do. Always have activities you can fall back on when needed. Have somewhere you can go on the spare of the moment. Don't let your guard down. Do you know what I'm talking about here?

Have you finished reading DR? You may need to go back over parts of it to study. But don't leave DR or any other marrige material laying around hoping your H will look at it....b/c he won't. Don't try to get him interested in anything about M improvement.

Another thing that LBS sound never do is to pull out the old wedding pictures or the baby pictures of all the kids and proceed to use this as a gimmick to tell your H how wonderful M life is. Reframe from reminding him or pointing out to him all the great things about being M. All of those techniques will backfire on you.

Don't try to encourage him to talk about the future. That is the same as "picking" him for information. No R talk, remember.

I know you feel very weak right now, but never ask him for reassurance. Don't ask him if he still loves you. Don't ask for a kiss or hug.....(Oh, that is a big no-no!).....and don't initiate affection. Just in case he should decide to start to give you a hug/kiss......be thinking of how you want to handle that. I don't think he will, but you never know. It would be your decision if you wanted to respond to his affection. Just don't act greedy or desparate.

If you have always made your H the center of attention when he was home, then I think it's time to stop that and as I said before.....treat him as if he was just a person who was boarding at your home......a neighbor.....a co-worker....a not-so-close relative......almost anyone but a husband. Don't be asking him how he "feels" regarding....anything. That is a turn-off. Some W's are always asking their H is he is OK......(never knew what that was suppose to be, but it wears thin with a lot of men) so don't do that. The point is to be not be focused on him...okay? Even if your mind wants to stray there....you don't have to let him realize that.

So...what are you going to do to improve your personality? Have you thought about any changes to make toward your physical appearance? If so, share those with us.

BTW, have you heard anything about your job interview?