My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[aliveandkicking]

[quote=aliveandkicking]Well, I know you're hurting but I don't feel that you give your wife enough credit.

Can you say more?

She made sense and explained exactly what her experience was and you still attribute her decision to her being influenced by her friend whom you spoke to. I think that is a tad demeaning, or do you think she is glib enough to make such a decision based on her friends opinion? Get my drift?

Anyway, there is no way around the hurt. You can handle this.

Again, the work you've done is supposed to be for you. You don't fall apart now. You stay strong and you stay rational. That doesn't mean you can't beat the sh*t out of a pillow but if you revert to some hostile, aggressive version of yourself, then this has all been for nothing.

I can stop the hurt by deciding to move on. Right? I'm not angry. I don't want to hit anything. I'm sad and hurt and disappointed. I shouldn't ne married to someone who's seeing another man. It's not right. And I shouldn't feel terrible about the fact that it hurts me.

No, moving on does not necessarily stop the hurt. It is divorce, it sucks and you still hurt during and after the process. If this helps relieve your hurt and resolve your angst...then you both have that in common and that's good. Of course you shouldn't feel terrible that the limbo has been hurting...I just think the notion that it can be over and done is a fallacy. However, you may feel some peace and relief with a resolution.

Be you. Be cool. Take it one thing at a time. I get that you wanted her to have an epiphany and appreciate you and come running back, but that was an unrealistic and unfair expectations. You're both going to deal with the consequences now.

What was a fair expectation?

A fair expectation was that this would take a long time and that she may not want to come back but that you are doing everything you can to hold up your end. We all want the epiphany breakthrough scenario but it usually doesn't happen that way.