A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

I hear you, C-Bart. I thought about that long and hard while folding his things. The decision I came to before I read what Coach said is that I need to not do his laundry again w/o saying something about it. There's a boundary there.

Coach, however, has an accurate and valid point. Let me unpack a few things...

In the past I felt resentful about the laundry because it is a never-ending task that I did 90% of. Maybe 95% And H griped that either HE did most of the housework or that I never did enough.

The resentment was not so much about the laundry as it was about the lack of recognition and appreciation for what I was doing. I felt taken for granted for starters, and then on top of that I was getting busted on for not doing enough.

BUT - that is the old reality. Not the new reality. The new reality is that H has different ideas about housework in general, and he seems to A) recognize, and B) appreciate greatly the things I do. So the situation is different and my response to it is based on old triggers.

I'm going to watch and wait, see how H responds. I will give this with both hands and a whole heart today. It's no different than acting as if. I can't tell you if I will do it again in the future because I don't know what the future holds yet. It doesn't hold the past, though, because even if H *isn't* different; I am. It's not the old marriage anymore, so I will be patient and see how this plays in the new marriage.

Edit: As for long term - I think I would like him to do his own laundry, but I won't mind doing it as an occasional favor.