In most households the mother is the gentler of the two and the father is usually harsher. I say most. As a father I can live with that. When I say 'duck' I want them to drop to the ground not ask me why I told them to duck and then go to the hospital because they didn't 'duck'.
If you want to call it lax that is fine, I will say it seems like you either lost or never had the respect needed to be the father figure. I am not being mean here, not on purpose. 10 times to talk my daughter? If I had to do it more than twice I would have felt like a joke. "Come on...I reaaaaaally need to talk to you."
That baffles me just a bit.
Be a father, raise good people. Include your W with decisions but be firm instead of letting her lead. Be a good father and help some poor fool avoid having to go through an MLC when they are married to your kids. Know what I mean Vern?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Doing the parenting books,I think it best I go to a class too. What I want to accomplish,change,pray for I have written down and programmed into phone,look at them everyday.Now I'm working backwards to what I need to do to get there.
That you knew what she was going to do and let her get away with it....not good. Doesn't take raising your voice for them to know just how serious you are. I don't necessarily even address the provocative stuff (the "I hate you", "you're the worst Mom ever" door slams etc). When I do, it's more about "I love you". If you give attention to the behavior you want...that's what you get.
Consequences for all behavior is the rule of thumb. Some of the consequences are good ones, some, not so much.
Also, when we "know" whether we do or not we telegraph it to them.
If a class would work best for you, by all means go for it. Where I am the libraries have DVD's and books on CD's too. I have found both helpful and b/c of limited time, I canlisten on my commute.
When my Husband was gone, I needed my kids to have normalcy and part of that meant that they needed to be obedient.
The kids knew that our family dynamics had changed but there was no reason for them to believe that they could get away with anything just because their Dad was away.
I never divulged anything to them about the real issues with their Dad, there was no reason to add more stress to their lives.
When they asked questions, I would tell them things on a "need to know" basis.
Jack, my kids were trained to listen to my voice.
If I tell them to stop, they stop.
If I call them by name they respond "Yes Mum".
If I am on the phone and they need my attention, they place their hand on my hip to get my attention rather then nagging and whining to me.
If they do not agree with a decision I have made, they may repectfully "appeal" by bringing me more information that may change my mind.
There is no whining allowed.
There is no disrespect allowed.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
When will I know for sure when she is replay, you have to understand that's MLC has told me she feels 45 and thinks I'm still 25.
Other than the drinking. She's really been pretty strt laced.
And yes I am the strict one, MLC was always the gentler one.
I also know now why MLC was afraid if I filed Divorce she'd lose the kids.I asked cnslr if things i faxed he was going to keep to himself to help me with and if he wasn't to give what I faxed him back and I wouldn't forward him anything else or tell him about emails and texts.
I also looking back through my text and it makes sense now,MLC said I don't need you calling my cnslr and telling them I'm a irresponsible parent.
I emailed her phone back that I already had, but because I was a book writer and I sent it from my email, she only saw the part that said I have already said that the message got cut off with the smiley face and i was only having fun.
