Last Saturday before I went down south, H asked if it would be ok to use my laptop while I was gone. I said yes, but I'd need to give him the password. He must have seen a look of sadness flit over my face, so he assured me that he just wanted to be able to check his own email or work on his projects from the deck and that he wouldn't snoop. I said that even if he did, I had nothing to hide and I showed him how to log in to the machine.
When I came back, the laptop appeared undisturbed and there's no evidence of use in my browsing history or download history.
Was this a test? And if it was - did I pass? The sadness when he asked was... I'm not entirely sure but I think it's that I *don't* have anything to hide. He can read my email. He can check my chat logs. He can look here. I think the sadness was that he either wouldn't give me the same access if I asked, or that I know he *does* have stuff to hide. Or at least - he hasn't assured me that he doesn't.
Other note for the day - I am doing H's laundry today and I am conflicted over it. He was down to re-wearing socks and wearing strange shirts and I know he'll be out late tonight, so when he mentioned how behind he was on laundry I asked if he'd like me to do it. He said would I please? Thank you, that would be so great. Only if you have time... you don't have to...
So I am doing his laundry. And for some reason, I feel vulnerable about it. All of the other chores I've done, even the cooking, aren't anything different than I'd be doing in a place where it was just me and kidlet. I'd still cook. I'd still clean. I'd still do laundry - for me and kidlet. But doing his laundry is so... wifely. It's pure, 100% AoS, too because I don't want to do it, really. I'm doing it as an act of love for him. So I'm stepping out of my comfort zone again.
I'm matching his socks, folding his underwear, hanging his shirts and putting everything neatly folded on his bed. Normally, I'd put stuff neatly into his drawers but I'm staying out of his drawers (pun intended) for the time being.
I guess if I'm his wife - in the full sense of the word and not a mere legal technicality - I'm fine with doing his laundry. But if I'm not, it's a dam% friggen big piece of cake I've just handed him. See, if we don't stay together, I'm not going to resent the cooking or the cleaning. But darn it, I'm going to resent doing his laundry. I wonder why laundry seems so much more personal and intimate somehow than cooking? Is it the whole underwear thing?
Anyway, and the fact that I know I would resent having done his laundry if we split up means... I need to work on that, or I need to not do his laundry? I'm still pondering which.
Last edited by Dia; 09/17/0906:59 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
