Looks like I might soon be LBS...newcomer here

[brownidmom]

GIMA~ Yes, H loves the boys, tells them they are the best thing to ever happen to him. And he spends a lot of quality time with them.

He is very hard on them though, in a way that is overprotective. Ex. S6 is kind of clumsy, very athletic, but clumsy nonetheless. We were in the parking lot of a restaurant 2 weeks ago on vacation and I am walking with S6, holding his hand. He decides to get up on the concrete bumper (not sure what else to call it) that is at the front of every parking space. H looks back and yells at him to get down from there. I just think that doing those kinds of things is part of being a kid, but H won't have it because he believes S will get hurt. Also, if one of them (or me) trips or something, you can actually see anger or annoyance on his face. It used to make me so bad until I finally realized that he will control anything he can to keep someone he loves from getting hurt. I voiced that to him very clearly, but he never acknowledged or denied it.

So, when I think about what he might do to keep the boys with him, it makes me nervous. His F left when he was 5 yo, so he definitely has serious trust issues. Has always said he would never leave his kids like his F did.

When S8 first told me what he was saying, my very first thought was that he was trying to prepare them in case we S. But then I thought about it and realized that there are many other ways to do it much more thoughtfully. It almost feels like H is trying to bully me with my own kids, turn them against me.

Another thing about H is that he is a master at mind games. He can size people up in a way that I have never seen before in my life. Also very picky about who he befriends, etc. H would turn anything that I say to him about talking to the boys around on me somehow.

My thoughts are leading me to believe that I have to S, but I need to be very careful about how I proceed because I have asked him to leave before and he refused, said it was his house and wouldn't leave. When I have asked him to sleep in the guest room, H said he would sleep where he wanted. And, if you read my entire thread, you know he eluded to leaving in July but never got around to it and when I asked earlier in the week, said everything happens in its time.

I feel like I need to have a couple of sessions with a C, consult with a L, and then be very smart into putting plan into action. There is no "legal separation" in my state, it is just separation with a separation agreement. I need to make DARN SURE that my custody issues are taken care of beforehand so he can't pull one on me and try to keep them with him 24/7.

I'll go one further to say that once H finds out that I have seen an attorney and filed, that I am the one leaving this marriage, not him. Just like he is already blaming me to my boys.

To add to everything, we do not have any family where we live. H's is 3 hours away, mine about 8 away. Neither of us ever liked the idea of babysitters because we both worked FT and had them in daycare. Our dates without them were literally taking a day off work to be together. I say all this to say that I will have to have detailed plans in place because I have nobody here to help me with the boys. I could call my MIL to come down and she would. She is as baffled as I am and very disappointed in H.