D10 had her first swimming practice last night and then needed an Indian costume for school today. Wednesday was my night with them so we called WAW to see if she could pick it up after work. She said yes and said she would drop it off at the apartment.
It's the second time she's been to the apartment. The first time I did not handle well. I didn't really want her seeing what my life has been reduced to. She even asked me what was wrong.
Well, when we had our great talk two weeks ago she actually said she was jealous of the apartment because it's laid out like a living place should be. The house we own together and she is living in was built in the 1930s as a small two bedroom. It's been expanded at least twice so it's actually a fairly large house, but it's just laid out strange. It's hard to clean. It's very comparmentalized and most of the prime living area is in the same spot, so even though it's big you feel like you are always on top of each other.
I had to laugh at that and told her after moving into this place I really would love -- if we found our way back to each other -- to sell our house and find something that works better for us. She thought I was emotionally attached to it because my parents lived there back in the 1970s.
Anyway, so this time I was determined to not have it feel strange. She showed up 45 minutes late. The girls were still up. They were happy to see her and she was there probably 20 minutes. She said she had to get home to work some more.
I couldn't read anything into the interaction. Maybe I should stop doing that and just let things happen. There's still no talk about moving a D forward. I asked if we were going to talk at lunch this week and she said she could call Friday.
I hope she does, but I'm going to try to not emotionally crash if she doesn't. I felt pretty good yesterday. I'm joining a growth group at church on Sunday. In two weeks, I'm heading to Chicago to see a friend.
Money issues are in good shape. Kids are doing well -- but they still want us back together, even the D7 was talking about it in the car ride this morning.
In my heart of hearts, I still can't imagine her actually sitting down and hiring an attorney to end our M as long as I continue to change what I was doing wrong before.
_____________________ M: 40 W: 38 Married: 13 years D: 10 D: 7 Bomb dropped: 2-09 Moved out: 5-09 No legal steps taken
