I was told to just enjoy the interaction when that was going on and I did. It was good advice. Also don't read into it. He's probably tired of the drama too.
In terms of bills, you have no choice but to stay on top of them. They aren't going to go away. Maybe you could establish a business meeting time with your H, a standing every week meeting. My H and I do that. When we can't meet, we do it the same day by email. And I sort of like the email beter because then there is documentation and the ability to refer back to it, in case one of us forgets something.
I am still dealing with the crazy, about 10 months now this week.
Did I do the right thing? Last night another good night with H..he was being really nice to me. He was drinking again...BUT..this time was different. I said i'm going to bed..I went into the kitchen and he grabbed me and started hugging me life old times..he said will you lay down with me and I said sure..more hugging and kissing my face..I know TMI but it is important to the story because when I came back from vacation he would not kiss me..turned his head..so anyway..he said you know i still do not trust you(i am assuming the trust issues deal with the let down of l school and the bills) I said that's ok..I understand..it takes time..he said how long..and what are we doing..I said we are doing this..I am working on myself..he said you are being weird..i looked in his eyes and they seem so empty..I just saw such a look of dispair on his face..so things proceeded..and several times he asked me what are we doing..I replied with the same answer..we are doing this...later he said I know you hate me...i ignored this..he said where do we sleep tonight..i said whereever you want...again more or what are we doing..I dont know what he wants..there were no ily but that is okay..I want to give him space..so he ended up going back downstairs..this morning I did not mention last night nor did he..he was nice again...Thoughts? Stronger..how are you by the way..you are my inspiration BTW so hang in there! I am rooting for you!!!!
Swimming...don't spend any time worrying about me. I have more than enough support (both here on DB.com and with my friends and family) that I am grateful for everyday and they've never left me.
I am great by the way. Thanks for asking, my friend.
So you concentrate on you, OK? This takes a lot of energy and I do not want you to worry about me....OK? Stay focused, Girl!
When things like this happen, you have one of two options: reject him or enjoy the interaction.
If you wanted to reject him, you failed.
If you wanted to enjoy the interaction, remind him of the warmer times, you succeeded. 100%.
Keep things light and DO NOT be disappointed if he's mean later on or distant. If he does get this way...give him his distance and be loving about it, OK? Not with an attitude. But don't pursue, just give him distance, leaving the house would be best if you can.
Why does he keep asking me what we are doing? over and over again? what does he want to hear..and he said we just dont understand each other..what the heck does that mean? what do you think he is doing right now? is he afraid of losing me? he is covering up OW? is there even OW?
Who knows? What are you doing? I think the answer to that question is simply, I don't know. I'm doing the best I can for me now. When he says "We don't understand each other?" You simply say "I understand why you feel that way....so that's a start."
I am so confused..So last night he said do you want to talk and I said no..Then he was mulling around me..so he said do you want to lay down with me and I said sure..then he proceeds to tell me while hugging me that I can have all the money..and he would work two jobs and go to his sisters..I calmly said no..I dont care about your money(not that he has a lot which he reaffirms to me often) he said I was pushing him to stay at his sisters..I ignored him..still hugging me he said how did we get here..I said because you chose this I did not...I said I was happy right now and he said you go through the days pretending you are happy and ignoring what is really going on..I said I am happy...and this is what we are dealing with now..I said we are your family and he said D and S were his family..he then proceeded to tell me he was tired and could we go lay down..he slept upstairs with me all night but said it was over and sometimes things are just over...but the odd thing is that his actions do not reflect what he is saying..I said I am ready to let you go..he said I hope you mean that..I said we can look for an apt. for you and he said no that would take money away from the kids...Please keep in mind he was quite intoxicated...I am so confused..is he doing this because he wants me to convince him to stay..WTF! I had to say that because it is all a game..is he looking for reassurances? Does he really want to leave or would he have already done it by now?
Keep in mind that he hugged me all night..I said ya know H we have been through alot together ( I never said ILY last night) and I remained positive..he never mentioned D..he really thinks he is going to live in a two bedroom house with his sister, her two kids, a grandma and brother in law...really? He said he did not want to go there..but he does not want an apartment either..I have not nagged..have not said ILY..remained calm and patient with him. I hate this! This SUCKS!
well, you did really well. If he keeps saying he wants to leave, then you keep up with "It's not what I want, it's what you want, so it's your decision." Do not let him put this on you in ANY way.
Enjoy the interaction. Change the subject. Have some fun stupid or just mundane subjects on hand....you saw someone fall on their butt at the grocery store, kid does/says something funny or sweet, whatever and change the subject. Keep it all light and comfortable.
Plus, ask him to do stupid little things around the house, like light bulbs or whatever. Make him feel needed.
what does he want? does he want a divorce? does he want to leave me? I dont get it..When I said we are your family he said no..S and D are my family...what is he doing?? I really do not know what he wants me to do! I am very confused! I am really hurting today.
Swimming....no one can answer that question officially because even HE has no idea.
So here's my answer that I want you to take and go with it. This is the official answer, OK?
He's confused. Sometimes he does want to divorce you. He wants out. He wants to burp and fart and drink beer and not answer to anyone. He wants to watch football and eat pizza and leave the empties all over the bachelor pad.
Sometimes he wants to just hold you and be married to you forever. He wants to snuggle. He wants to play. He wants to come home to dinner with his FAMILY of you and your kid. He wants to help around the house and play with the kid. He wants to go to sleep next to you.
So guess what? You better just chill out. The more you freak out, the more you give him opportunity to say "You aren't my family, I don't want to be married, it's over, I'm leaving" the more it becomes real to him. So STOP. Do you understand me? You can turn this around so he wants option two more and more and option one less and less.
