It is maddening...good word. I do think there is truth to what you are saying, in his mind he doesn't think we appreciate him. I have done my best to constantly assure him that he is a good provider etc. that I know how hard he works... but geezzz where does it end??? I have to admit I haven't been saying it lately, only because he has been doing swat, and to be frank he has NEVER said that he appreciates ANYTHING I do, unless it was in the middle or after sex, and that is just the glow effect.
Seriously... he is nice as pie if we have sex, and that is 90% of the time the only time when he is truly good to me.
How sad is that.
He just called, won't be home anytime soon... that is a relief actually, that is also sad, but I really need my space and lately he has been over my shoulder so much I can't take it.
what continues to stay in my mind the possiblity of him slipping up again. I don't think I could go through that again, actually I know I couldn't, but there is so much at stake.
He's got so many other problems nc... He doesn't speak to any of his own family (they are all crazy anyway) and as messed p they are, I still think it really bothers him.
He does need help and a lot of it. Im hoping that if we get one of these big projects, we will be able to afford to have him go for help. That's if he sticks to what he says, which can be doubtful.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I'm going to a counselor at Catholic Charities and they accept payment on a sliding scale. (You don't have to be Catholic to go) Our community has other organistions that offer counselling at reduced rates based on income and amount of people in the household.
The positive thing about the counselor at Catholic Charities is their belief in the sanctity of marriage. My guy has trained with Michelle and is totally solution-focused. The only problem I've had is that I'm the one ready to come to some kind resolution now. . . . "sh*t or get off the pot" mentality. I've been in this mess for close to three years now, am totally exhausted and ready to call it quits, and my counselor is the only one really fighting for my marriage. I guess he is my last ditch effort to keep this thing going.
I hope you can find a professional in your community who can keep you afloat when it feels like you're going down for the count.
I can honestly say BDTD. Still doing that to a degree.
And when I read " but what doesn't make sense is that he would help out a stranger before he'd EVER help me. There was a woman driving with a hole in her tire the other day while we were together, He jumped at the opportunity to help her out..."
Have to say, that`s my H too! In fact he RESENTS having to help me.
Thats cos he`s in pain. He`s not happy. And because I`m the closest person to him in the whole wide world he is utterly convinced it`s all my fault.
Knowing that he`s wrong helps me not fixate on his anger, not let his anger get to me.
Knowing that its up to ME to keep me happy-and him to make himself happy , helps too.
But the biggest thing I did was set boundaries. I literally put my fingers in my ears and told H I`d listen IF he calmed down. I called him on his bad language too if he started to curse me.
Put up your boundaries Irish. Don`t get angry. Stay calm when you have to tell him what your limits are.
MLC is all about them being blind and selfish. Their heads are in the sand. They can`t see but can only lash blindly out at the nearest person.
So GLAD you got your own business. A little bit of independence for you.
And when you do get a break, take it all for YOU. Be good, kind,and indulgent of yourself. Love yourself. You`re the rock that`s keeping the family together.
Jak~ That sounds like fun... I wish I could get away!
Doc, Your too funny... Made me laugh out loud you did!! washington State is Realllly far though!!
Lea... Thanks for the info. the catholic churches around here are very strict as you have to me a member of the church to even get in. But I'm actually going to to try my ins. again and see if I can at least get something just for me.
Fallgirl,
They sound very similar... YES YES.. I do think he resents having to help me... Your SOOO right!! He can't take it out on anyone else because Im the only one here. He doesn't speak to his own family and has very few friends.
I know I have to make myself happy, and generally I am happy with myself. Meaning, I can find this to boost my mood up, but when he's around, he says or does something that just brings me back to square one.
Journaling...
Yesterday did a little shopping with S3. H was away for the day, so that was good. He actually bought me something out of the blue just a little something. It was nice for a change that he may have been thinking of me.
he still doesn't understand what a long way something like that goes. I don't mean he needs to buy me anything, but say something nice or do a nice gesture of some sort, and it does wonders. If he would only do that more often, or less with the mean remarks we would be in a much better place.
Busy wkend. Going to take the kids apple picking, then S3 has a parade on Sunday for the preschool.
Have a good wkend all!
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
It's good that your H can do something thoughtful for you. Unfortunately most guys seem to be overly dense about such gestures; we tend to underestimate the necessity of showing through our words and deeds what our positive thoughts and feelings really are. And it's always too easy to let the negative ones drown out the positive, though that might by no means be our intent -- it just comes out that way.
I think it often takes the patience of Job to be able to withstand the myopic callousness of a mate. I can say that I have been on both ends of that equation, and neither is pretty. I know what it feels like to have be injured by a loved one, and I am ashamed of my own transgressions. I hope I have been learning greater patience from this.
