If what you want and need is for her to make a solid decision one way or the other, then respect your own need for this. If you don't want to play guessing games any more, your bottom line could be that you won't hang out with her until a decision is made on her part. This will protect your emotions. Just an example, but a way to protect and care for yourself. Hang in there - I'm right there with ya.
Good advice. Adopting the Stockdale Paradox helped me deal with that dilemma. Smiley calls it the "Spiers Doctrine" from Band of Brothers, "You can't be a good soldier until you realise you are dead." You have to be driving towards parallel outcomes, divorce or reconciliation. Thinking thru that helps you detach. You don't control the outcome. You only control your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Do what you have to to thrive no matter the outcome.
Quote:
I'm having a hard time thinking of the good times this week. All I can think of are the times when she would be inconsiderate or do things that I hate. A lot of this has come since the bomb, but there were some of these things berore too. It didn't happen very often, but over 12 years there were enough times that I'm struggling this week.
I logically know that we had a great marriage and good times outweighed the bad 100 to 1. Hearing her talk about how unhappy she has been, how it was a mistake to marry me, how it was all a lie has really made me question if this is the woman that I want.
I feel horrible for even thinking this way, but it's there this week.
Change your thinking and get busy doing. You can handle it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
