UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Thanks buddies! Even though I felt you all here with me, I panicked and have screwed up, BIG TIME.

H was lovely when he arrived and we talked like old times - save for the conversation was somewhat very different. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and I almost felt that there was a chance for us .... he said that he didn't even want to talk about the finances.

Then, one loose word about money and the whole thing exploded. I felt threatened and said "then put it in writing to me and I shall get my solicitor to look at it" ... of course, that led on to other stuff, I started calling him on how he can afford flights to see ow and entertaining on weekends and it all blew up in my face. H went to the garage, picked up some more of his belongings and his parting words were "I AM having the house valued and you WILL be hearing from my lawyer".

I bade him goodnight and shut the door on him - again. Now I am FUMING mad .... wasted all that great DB'ing and yet again, he goes away thinking that I am the mad cow that he thinks I am and how right he was to have done what he did. Oh, how could I have let myself down so badly after all the preparation I put in.

The evening started so well and with a positive or two (will tell you about it tomorrow) and now I am back to square one - all my own fault. Aaaargh, I could scream.