Gotta Keep Trying 2

[Energizer Bunny]

Couple of things tonight. First, we are having a nice time after we got kids down (S was acting up a bit today and night). W says, hey just wanted to give you an update on some balances (referring to a couple of loans associated with my business we closed late last year). "YOU owe XX on this one. YOU owe XX on this other one." What?! ME?!?! W had no problem accepting the income from the business, but when it's time to repay some debt, it becomes solely MY obligation?

But W did continue after the "You owe..." bit to say after "WE" pay this one then "WE" can pay this one. WHAT?! You just said those were MY burdens.

OK, not going to lose it, even though I can fee some resentment and anger coming back to the surface. And, maybe I'm off base here. Not shirking my responsibility, but I view these obligations as WE obligations, not MINE ALONE. Again, if I'm wrong, let me have it. I can take it.

I have found myself feeling the same way that you're describing here. The funny thing is that looking from the outside in it's a little easier to see that her choice in words probably didn't mean that much to her. She likely didn't put the same meaning on them that you are. If the bills or accounts that she is looking at just have your name on them it doesn't that crazy that she sould say it this way. Also you are the one who said they are from MY Business WE closed last year. I'll bet you didn't assign much meaning to the words you used either.

I know how you feel. I've made a big deal out of things like this too. They've really gotten under my skin. Look at it like an outsider though. How would you advise me if you were reading this in my sitch?

they don't understand the WAS concept

That's the truth. It's hard to talk to friends and family that don't get it. Luckily I have a cousin who was in the same shoes as our wives once. She's the only one who can even come close to understanding. The rest of the fam just sees W as some kind of monster right now.