Thank you so much Oz, Down, & Nell. You are so right.
Nell, I like your idea about waiting generally but I did go ahead and send this one.(basically the way Down showed it.) It had already been two days and the little bit I know about his schedule suggested that now would be better than later strategically.
I know H got my email very late night wednesday. From his IM status, it appears he was online at least an hour today. No response from him at all.
Most often, this is his passive-aggressive non-response. Not sure if that is the case now. I do note that he did not send an immediate "Oh I'm so glad you don't know if you care how long I stay away" response, as he did when I agreed with him about my not going on the trip.
I got the "I'm glad the time apart has been good for you. It's been good for me too." email today. He told me his friend says that sometimes it's good to take a "pause" in a relationship.
He then went on to tell me about all the fabulous things he is doing over there. Rather insensitive I think given that I was supposed to be there too. (I'm still glad to have information though.)
He still gave no clue about when he will return.
Sooo . . . I carry on with moving on. I don't know if in his mind the relationship on really on "pause". Is that code for "I'll wait & see where it goes with OW before I burn any bridges with you."? Anyway, I'm not "on pause". I've hit the eject button. I know it's the right thing to do, but damn, it still hurts.
I guess I'd better go buy some of those skinny jeans today. That seems to make everyone feel better.
I made no reply to the aforementioned email. Monday, H sent me a curt, formal, business email. I have noticed that when I don't reply to his emails, (although none is required), I then get a curt, business, email.
I replied with the needed info and a couple short light sentences, (dogs, weather). He sent an upbeat reply giving me helpful suggestions re: the dogs.
This time, he also told me about an event which did not go so fabulously. He said, "maybe if you had been there it would have gone better because you would have . . .". I wanted to choke him. . I was thinking, yeah, if I had been there a whole lot of things would have gone differently. But I don't want him to miss the practical things I do for him, I want him to miss me.
Never before have I found myself in sort of a 'mothering' role in a relationships. Maybe that's because despite his brilliance in his field, my H has great difficulty handling many mundane tasks. I really got sucked in to handling too much of that for him.
He mentioned how much trouble he is having making travel arrangements over there and that he didn't know if he could change his ticket. I always make the travel reservations for him. I said nothing. He can ask dream girl to help him.
From reading so many situations here, I get a sense that often the WAS keeps contact with the LBS re: "homey" things. I wonder if that gives them some sense of security which makes it easier for them to be with "shiny new person"? I think that might be the case with my H. Maybe I should have thanked him for the dog suggestions, but I didn't. I didn't email to ask him about his dr. visit either. I figure that's what mommy/wife does.
I got the skinny jeans. Tonight I am going with my ex-husband to an event where I expect to see some mutual friends of me & H, including one of his best friends. In response to any questions re: H, I guess I'll keep it brief and vague, e.g. "We're taking some time apart, so I haven't talked with him much." I have been friends with my ex for years and unfortunately, my H never seemed to be much bothered by our friendship so I don't know that I will get any jealousy leverage if the grapevine reports my activities.
Glad you posted an update, I was wondering how you're doing.
Good job not offering to help him with travel arrangements. He's a big boy and he can figure it out himself. I understand not wanting him to want you for the practical stuff. I felt the same way.; I didn't want BF to come back for the lifestyle we have/had together but to want me for me. But I read somewhere (Not Just Friends maybe?) that it's not fair to expect that because the lifestyle is part of marriage. Anyway, I get it.
Yay for skinny jeans!
How was the event? You never know what may spark the green eyed monster. And even if your H doesn't say anything you can count on someone reporting your activities to him.
Have you set a moving date or still waiting to find out when H will return to the states?
Hope you're doing lots of fun GAL activities!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
From reading so many situations here, I get a sense that often the WAS keeps contact with the LBS re: "homey" things. I wonder if that gives them some sense of security which makes it easier for them to be with "shiny new person"?
Do you think that really Dudess - are you saying that they keep in touch on homey things so that they maintain their bolt-hole to run to when things go pear shaped for them?
I'm just wondering if it's the only 'safe' ground that they have to play upon as they know that other topics may be out of the question. I certainly think that they are protecting their own a$$ets (or a$$es?) and many use it to remain in a controlling position over the LBS. That's just my two bobs worth, anyhow - perhaps it's just the way I see my own situation! Of course, talking about the pets is the real heart squeezer.
I wonder how your H is feeling having to make his own travel arrangements? Good that you didn't get sucked in on that one. My H always relied on me to make ours, mostly because I enjoyed doing it. He must be having a ball now, making so many trips back and forth interstate and doing it all for himself - all from a man who had never even been on a plane until he met me! I also wonder how he felt the first time he flew on his own - we always had a silly little ritual where we would hold hands on take off and landing ... just incase we crashed, I guess!
Glad that you got the new jeans and shoes! Yes, we all like to go there for some reason. Makes us feel good, so what the heck?
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
. I was thinking, yeah, if I had been there a whole lot of things would have gone differently. But I don't want him to miss the practical things I do for him, I want him to miss 